L'Arc en Ciel Fanfiction .::. Angel and Demon

Chapter 11~Confession, Crime and ... Punishment?~

Several hours passed slowly, and the route the sun followed on the sky had already painted the room in all possible shades of color through the large windows in Hyde’s apartment. Almost like a slow kaleidoscope, the scenery and the lighting changed unceasingly.

Ken was languidly zapping TV channels with the remote control, trying to catch some porn movie, and failing; while Tetsu was grumbling beside him about leaving the TV at some anime network. Ken’s long legs were stretched and resting on the short coffee table. He grunted repeatedly in annoyance every time he extended his arm to aim at the TV. Almost like intending to use the remote as a gun, and kill the device in one accurate shot.

"Why doesn’t this jerk have pay-per-view?" Ken protested irritated.

"Search me! Probably because he spends more time with his playstation than with the TV!" Tetsu replied in an irked voice after a couple seconds. He had sat down beside Ken a few moments before. Nearly in the same position as him. His smaller frame didn’t allow his feet to reach the coffee table. Not that he would want to do such an uncivilized thing, anyway.

"Doesn’t he have any porn videotapes?" Ken asked vexed at his extreme situation, and lit up another cigarette. The crystal ashtray on the armrest was already crowded with crushed cigarette ends, and Tetsu was feeling like picking up the phone and having an oxygen mask delivered right away.

"Uh, I don’t think so... I’ve been browsing for anime, but all he has are horror flicks." Tetsu sighed also beginning to get bored.

"I dun wanna see ‘zombie plague’ again..." Ken moaned. "He pestered me with that last year..."

"I have a Blockbuster card in my wallet..." The weary voice, almost like the soft rustling of a closing door came from the space connecting the bedroom to the dining room. Hyde was up, dressed in a white thick bathrobe, barefooted... staring fixedly at his toes. His hands sunk deep inside the saggy pockets of his only garment. He looked like a ghost: frail, almost intangible. So too thin and small. Like an emaciated child lost in the streets of an uncertain impoverished country. It looked as if he could crack to fragments if one even dared to touch him. Like one of his beloved blue glass items. He just stood there, a mere few centimeters away from the pool of orange light coming from the window.

"Ha-Haido? You OK?" Tetsu jumped startled in his place upon hearing him. He couldn’t tell for how long Hyde had been standing there.

"Ha--hai... daijobu." Hyde answered in an embarrassed tone and nodded slowly. Then, with indecisive steps he walked towards the bookcase where his strap bag was. He pulled out his wallet, took the card and handed it to Ken, without daring to look straight at his eyes. His hand shook slightly, as if he were shuddering in cold.

"Huh?" Ken stared at Hyde a little puzzled. Both men on the couch had followed the short walk Hyde had taken with their hypnotized eyes.

"Oh, yeah... sorry... Here’s money for the rental..." Hyde added bashfully and handed him a pack of yens, still too embarrassed to look at them straight.

"No... uh... I don’t mean..." Ken trailed off and got up.

"It’s OK. My treat. Rent anything you want."

"Uh... Even porn?"

An angry Tetsu whacked Ken on the back of his head with a cushion.

Hyde nodded and tried to smile. At some other time, he would have laughed heartily at Ken’s comment. Even agreed to it. But right now, even straining his face muscles into that leaden grin was somewhat of a big effort.

"I need a cigarette... gomen..." Hyde said and took his cigarette case together with a lighter. Then lit it and slowly inhaled.

"That thing is gonna kill you, Haido..." Tetsu told him in a motherly tone. He was trying to fight the urge to hug Hyde tightly. He would have given in to it if Ken hadn’t been there. That was good, in a sense. It meant Ken was unknowingly siding with Rational.

"Yeah... well... maybe..." Hyde trailed off and took a long drag of his cigarette. "Uh... maybe nothing will kill me already..." Hyde added making his voice lower and lower. Then he lifted his head, still unable to focus on his friends’ eyes. "Did you guys have anything to eat?"

"No... We..." Ken begun and was elbowed under his ribs by Tetsu.

"Yeah, we did, thanks Haido." Tetsu interrupted smiling.

"You suck as a liar, Tet-chan. I’ll cook you both something..." Hyde replied, turning and walking towards the kitchen.

"You... you don’t need to, Haido. Why don’t you take a rest? I’ll do it..." Tetsu followed him.

"Huh? You can’t cook Tet-chan... Want to commit suicide and drag Ken along?" Hyde remarked trying to sound funny.

"I can... uh... see what I can do..." Tetsu shrugged and walked over to Hyde.

"I’d rather have Haido cook..." Ken commented.

"Ken!" Tetsu exclaimed furious. "Now that Haido is calm you turn into the brat?!"

Hyde turned slowly and walked silently towards the kitchen holding his cigarette between his fingers. A gossamer fumarole of gray smoke leaving his nostrils steadily.

"Uh... sorry... uhm... I guess I can buy take-out and bring it along..." Ken suggested.

"Yeah, good idea." Tetsu exclaimed looking at Hyde who had his back turned to him at the kitchen. He had already taken out a frying pan and was dropping oil in it."

"Daijobu... daijobu... Cooking will help me relax..." Hyde said making a soothing sign with his right hand.

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room and both the guitarist and bassist looked at each other without really knowing what to do. Ken put out his cigarette sinking it amidst the mass of similar ends heaping on the ashtray while staring at Tetsu with an eager face.

"Ne... Ken-chan..." Hyde started. "Why don’t you go rent some movies...? I think there’s enough money for four or five, but you can take my wallet if you want..."

"Uh... It’s OK, Haido, I am not poor..."

"Go rent something fun, Ken-chan... Hopefully I’ll finish food by the time you are back." Hyde relented.

Tetsu grabbed Ken’s arm and pulled him aside, then whispered in a low voice to prevent Hyde from hearing:

"OK. Now you go rent a couple movies, and make sure it’s no porn, and nothing dramatic that might make Haido-kun break into tears, nothing that suggests guy on guy action, and certainly NO L’Arc videos..."

"Why no porn??" Ken asked annoyed.

"Are you kidding me?" Tetsu almost screamed and knocked his index finger slightly on Ken’s forehead.

"Let him rent anything he wants, Tet-chan!" Hyde raised his voice from the kitchen.

"See what you’ve done?" Tetsu scolded Ken, who was still clueless about "why-no-porn".

"Rent a Gundam movie for Tet-chan too, Ken-chan!" Hyde insisted.

"Hai, wakatta." Ken answered. He shrugged looking at Tetsu, grabbed his coat and left the room.

"Hey, you two... behave yourselves in my absence..." Ken warned impishly from the door.

"Shut the hell up! Baka!" Tetsu yelled at him furious, while Hyde struggled to laugh from the kitchen. A dry laugh. Only to oblige.

"I will, Ken-chan, don’t worry." Hyde answered still busy with the food. His voice was still weary and deep, clearly tinted of misery.

"They are good friends... my brothers, they are..." Hyde thought, and this notion comforted his soul lightly. "I should be kinder to them... they are so good..."

Ken closed the door behind him. The room was suddenly in utter silence, an uncomfortable silence... Tetsu glimpsed at Hyde cooking in the kitchen. He could see his slender body wrapped in the white robe, moving from the sink to the stove. His little hands washed, chopped, sliced, and poured stuff into the frying pan, he would stretch himself to reach spices in the top shelves, then add condiment, try the preparation and nod, or add more. He would rub his hands now and then... obviously he was cold. Tetsu remembered he was probably wearing nothing under the robe. All of a sudden Ken’s words, who knew about his previous crush, ringed in his head making him blush. Tetsu shook his head wanting to make the thought vanish.

"I can’t fall for him... He is a guy!" Tetsu thought. Emotional was threatening to break free. Lustful was siding with Emotional, as usual, and Rational seemed to be losing the battle, especially now that Ken’s presence was absent.

"Demo... demo... even in his nightmarish condition... messy hair... slurry voice and all... he is still amazingly good looking..." Tetsu shook his head again. "No. He’s a guy. He’s my friend. And he’ll rebuff me. I’m not going under the same twice."

Tetsu sunk in the couch and stared at his hands. In a certain way he had been waiting for Hyde and Sakura’s breakup for years. In a certain way, he had fancied it would be the second chance for him. In a certain way he had shaken that thought off. In a certain way he felt like a coward. In a certain way, he felt stupid. In many ways he felt certainly nervous.

"Ne... Doiha-chan... Your hair is so messy..." Tetsu commented trying to break the ice. He had been alone with Hyde so many times... but this time felt different. Deep inside, in the back of his head he knew the notion of having Sakura out of the scene was putting him in the situation he had been with Hyde years ago. No obstacles. Nothing on the way. And now he was older and wiser... But once again he was unsure about what he really wanted to do.

"Huh? Yeah, thought so..." Hyde answered trying to push his hair down with the back of his hand.

"I’ll take care of it as soon as I’m finished here." The short vocalist added.

"You look cute, though." Tetsu answered almost in a fearful whisper.

"Don’t say that, Tet-chan! I’m not ‘kawaii’. I’m not a girl or a doll or a pet!" Hyde protested.

"But you do, anyway." Tetsu smiled softly.

"Oii... stop that, Tet-chan... I’m still in a bad mood, and I have a wooden spoon for a weapon."

"And... you would hit me with it...?" Tetsu tried to laugh.

"Yeah! You bet your ass I would!" Hyde laughed wearily.

"You seem to be cold, Haido... want me to get you a coat?"

"It’s OK, Tet-chan. I’ll get dressed later."

"You are not wearing anything under that, are you?"

"Uh... no." Hyde said pulling his robe a little apart and staring for a second check.

"...hentai..."

Hyde laughed loud and unwillingly, then he turned his head to look at Tetsu smiling a sad smile. "But you can’t see anything, Tet-chan!"

"Uh... un..." Tetsu laughed and walked over towards the bookcase to hide his face from Hyde. He was visibly blushing. He decided to pretend he was browsing through Hyde’s books. He touched them with the tips of his fingers. A cold feeling against his skin. He realized his body temperature had somewhat raised, and he started to feel drops of sweat trailing down his temples.

"Why this!? All of a sudden!!" Tetsu thought, scolding himself. "I am over him! For years now I’m totally over him! This is all so stupid. He’s a guy! I must learn to separate friendly love than... the love of... It is love anyway...?" Tetsu felt uncomfortably anxious.

"I know! I’ll hand him a coat..." He said to himself and walked over to the bedroom. He looked inside the messy closet and grabbed one of the many furry coats Hyde had, then took it to the little man cooking in the kitchen. He walked smoothly, yet nervously.

"I know what I’ll do. I’ll talk to him about new songs. He loves singing and writing, and that would be a good subject... maybe. I’ll talk to him about a new album, yeah... about new projects... he likes that kind of subject..." Tetsu mumbled to himself as he slowly padded towards Hyde, and upon reaching him he placed the coat on Hyde’s shoulders.

"Huh?" Hyde was startled.

"Don’t catch a cold, on top of it all..." Tetsu said trying to be calm, and not giving himself out.

Hyde nodded.

"Doumo."

"Anou... Doiha-chan... I’ve been thinking about... the band, you know? I guess it would be good after this long to have a concert, plan a new album. I mean, so that fans don’t forget us. I bet you’d love to sing, ne? Show them we are still a band, we are still good musicians and nothing’s gonna stop us from..."

"Urusai." Hyde spat out. His faced was darkened more by the shadow of sadness as he lowered his sight, trying to focus on the cooking.

"On top of it all..." Hyde murmured. "I understand you quite well. Better than you think."

"Better than I think?" Tetsu asked confused.

"Why don’t you just go to hell...?" Hyde replied coarsely.

"W...why?" Tetsu wondered gaping. He re-went his words inside his head, looking for what he could have possibly said that would make Hyde so mad.

Hyde took the coat off his shoulders and dropped it forcefully.

"I’ve already caused enough trouble for the band, ne, Tet-chan? Don’t worry... I won’t catch a cold and ruin your life." He said bitterly. "It’s all been my fucking fault, after all. So this is why you are here. Not because of me, not because you are my friend, not because you care about me. It’s because of the band. You just want me to get better so I can sing again, right?"

"Chigau yo, baka... I’m worried about your health... more than your voice..."

"Yeah... right..."

"It’s true! Why do you have to be so stupid all the time?"

"Nobody worries about me! Stop this act! It’s all so pathetic! I’ll be OK, and I’ll sing, just... just... stop it. And if you feel embarrassed because I’m naked, just say so and I’ll get dressed. I’m not trying to flash you or turn you on!" Hyde said violently.

"I have always thought of you as a brother. Always liked you the best. Always trusted you blindly... And now I come to see all you are interested in is the fucking vocalist of your band... Not me! Of course! You play ‘friend’ you play ‘good friend’. And fuck it, you play it so well! But at some point you just can’t hold this stupid act anymore, because I know you well. Just leave me alone, will you? I will sing! And just stop pretending you are my friend! All you want from me is my singing! OK, then! I will sing! You bastard!"

Tetsu pushed the coat on Hyde’s back letting it drop. "I’m so tired of your constant whining, Hideto-kun! I really feel like grabbing you by the neck and shaking you into sense!"

"Fine. Try it!" Hyde said turning to face Tetsu defiantly.

Tetsu grabbed him by an arm, shook him and drew him closer, forcing Hyde’s body against his. He put his hand under the smallest man’s nape and forcefully drew his head towards his. Before Hyde could react Tetsu pressed a strong kiss on his lips. Hyde’s eyes opened like plates, his knees faltered, and he fell on them as Tetsu pulled away and let him go turning to walk out of the kitchen. Hyde was speechless rubbing his lips with the back of his left hand and staring at Tetsu, who was feeling like his heart would stop at any minute.

"Something is burning..." Tetsu commented in a gasp referring to the food.

"Yeah..." Hyde gasped back. "... you."

Tetsu blushed and answered nothing as he walked away.