L'Arc en Ciel Fanfiction .::. Angel and Demon

Chapter 16 ~ I learnt all the wrong lessons... ~

Tetsu walked out of his studio and stumbled into Hyde. Hyde looked at him defiantly.

"Ne... Tet-chan... Why don’t you have more ashtrays here?" Hyde asked out of the blue, and still in an angry tone.

"Because I don’t smoke." Tetsu replied stating what was clearly obvious.

"Well, you’ll have to get some, because I do. Of course, if you are serious about me... If you are not, then don’t bother..."

"I’ll buy a couple ashtrays tomorrow, Haido." Tetsu sighed struggling not to lose his patience.

"Un. I made ramen."

"Huh? Instant ramen? Even I can cook that!"

"Well... you should have told me before... Where am I gonna sleep?" Hyde kept asking warily.

"I’ve a spare room." Tetsu tried to walk away from Hyde, but Hyde followed him.

"Misete." (Show me)

"OK" Tetsu sighed and walked the short distance from the dining room to a heavy wooden door. He opened it and walked inside a cold room persistently followed by Hyde. He turned on the lights, and heard Hyde sneeze profusely.

"Oh?" Tetsu looked at Hyde rather startled. "There are no cats here."

"That’s..." he sneezed again. "That’s not my only allergy!"

"Uh... dust?"

"Hai." Hyde sneezed again.

"I haven’t used this room in a while I guess..." Tetsu thought aloud.

"Ja... it’s either sleeping on the couch or sleeping with you." Hyde said between sneezes while leaning on the wall.

"Uh..." Tetsu blushed. "You are too mad to discuss this now, so, I’d rather let you do as you please."

"Fine. Then I’ll sleep with you."

"I thought so." Tetsu rolled his eyes.

"I’m tired, so I’ll go to bed now." Hyde said and walked out of the room, tossing the cigarette into a flower vase right he found upon re-entering the dining room. Tetsu looked at him rather angry, and took the cigarette from the vase with a grimace of disgust, then walked over to the bathroom and dropped it in the toilet.

Hyde took his bag forcefully and went into Tetsu’s bedroom. He closed the door behind him, and began to get undressed.

"Ne... Haido... you won’t have dinner?"

"No."

"You must be feeling really bad to skip a meal..." Tetsu said casually from the living room while spraying room deodorant everywhere in the hope of getting rid of the tobacco smell.

"Tabun." (Maybe)

"That’s why you are getting skinnier..." Tetsu admonished and put the atomizer back in its place.

"Whatever." The muffled voice answered from the bedroom.

Tetsu smiled forgivingly. Hyde was such a brat at times... and that made him love this little man even more. He wondered if he was actually feeling like he should straighten Hyde up or something... If he was so attached to him because Hyde always looked like he needed some parenting service done. He sighed and knocked on the closed door.

"Let me in, Haido... please."

Hyde opened the door and let Tetsu in. Without saying a word, he resumed changing his clothes.

Tetsu sat on a chair and looked at him. He thought Hyde should be annoyed to be looked at while changing his clothes, so he picked up a magazine and flipped through its pages. Actually he knew from experience this was not the case with Hyde, who pretty much seemed to be always trying to get him to look at him. But some modesty would certainly become the small-framed vocalist... And Tetsu didn’t know what to do. He felt clumsy. Hyde walked out of the room in his pajamas, carrying a toothbrush between his teeth. After ten minutes he walked back in.

"Which side?" Hyde snapped suddenly.

"Nani?" Tetsu looked up startled.

"You really need your glasses, Tet-chan... You are putting that magazine way too close to your face. Now tell me which side."

"Which side what?"

"Which side of the bed do you sleep in, baka."

"Uh, generally both, so I don’t mind."

"Yoshi. I’ll take this side. Turn off the lights, go to eat."

"Anou... Haido... Why are you so mad at me? Is it because I found another drummer?"

"Nani yo?! Of course not! That’s your job. Caring for the band... you got another drummer, you nurse the baby vocalist... you are such a good mother goose!"

"I’m... nursing you?"

"Yeah, you just play your role the way you are supposed to... you even got as far as telling me you love me... such a big lie... only to comfort me..."

"Ah... Haido... wait... I didn’t say I love you... and..."

"Well, you said you had a crush on me." Hyde interrupted and pulled fiercely from the bed covers in order to wrap himself, head included.

"It’s true. I used to have a crush on you, and even now, I don’t understand why you turn me on the way you do..."

"Oh, cool. That’s MY job in the band. Turn people on. Now, go to eat." Hyde answered coldly from under the covers.

"I’m not hungry anymore." Tetsu said bitterly, shoved the magazine and went outside the room turning the lights off.

Hyde turned in Tetsu’s bed hugging a pillow, and stared into the darkness. The light coming from the living room infiltrated inside the room from the door ajar into a thin blade of yellowish glow.

"Poor Tet-chan..." Hyde thought. "I have to push you away... right now, there is no point in this, Tet-chan... My plan is not working quite well... I’m feeling guilty... And I’m starting seeing you instead of him... I was supposed to see him... but can’t stop thinking of you..." He hugged the pillow tighter and a warm tear fell from his eyes. "I’m gonna leave tomorrow morning... that’ll be the end of it." He sobbed.

"If you had just waited... a few months... Tet-chan... You are so sweet, I wouldn’t have been able to say no..." Hyde thought, sobbing and sinking his face in the pillow.

"Sleep... I gotta sleep..." Hyde rummaged inside his head. "...I’m gonna dream of something happy... happy days... yeah..."

Slowly Hyde fell asleep without loosening the tight grip on the pillow.

Suddenly he heard Tetsu’s soft footsteps coming into the room. He could hear him walking in carefully even if Tetsu didn’t turn on the light. He heard the ruffling of clothes as he got undressed and sat on the other side of the bed... He sensed how Tetsu undid the bed carefully and slid into it softly.

"You ain’t gonna turn the living room lights off?" Hyde mumbled.

"No. You’ll get so hungry you won’t be able to sleep in about half an hour. And I don’t want you to stumble into anything and break it."

"Huh? How can you possibly know that?"

"I know you well."

"How come?"

"I’ve known you for years, Haido! I know your eating habits!"

Hyde chuckled, his face pressed to the pillow.

"Tet-chan..." Hyde whispered, all traces of anger slowly vanishing, he turned to face Tetsu. "You really worry about me, ne?"

"Un..." Tetsu whispered.

"Listen, I’m not sure about my feelings either... I’m not sure about anything lately. I’m mad and confused and sore..."

"I understand, Haido..."

"But we’ve always been good friends, right?"

"Yeah."

"So... I don’t wanna be mad at you... I want you to be honest with me. I won’t be mad. You needn’t do anything extreme to help me."

"I won’t, Haido. I am being honest..."

"Then I guess, if you are really honest, and you really feel the way you say you do... maybe we can find out together..." Hyde finally gave in looking down at his hands in the darkness and biting his lower lip. Tetsu was so sweet when he was worried...

"OK, Haido. I think it’s a good idea."

"I’ll take care of you, and you’ll take care of me... ne?"

"Un."

"Good. Let’s eat together..."

"Whoa! Faster than I thought!"

"No... I mean..." Hyde blinked. "I wanna have dinner with you, Tet-chan. Like a couple. Can we do that? I promise I’ll be a good boy. I won’t try to trick you any more, or embarrass you..." Hyde’s voice was suddenly utterly sweet.

"OK. Wanna go eat out?"

"Yeah, that’d be fine."

Hyde wrapped his arms around Tetsu’s waist and pressed his head on the bassist’s chest.

"Hehehe... It’s beating fast." Hyde commented.

"Hehehe" Tetsu mocked him amused "... so, how’s yours?"

"It’s going fast too." Hyde smiled, in the darkness. If Tetsu could have seen his smile he would have melted. "It feels so comfortable to be with you, Tet-chan..."

"Well... I must confess... it makes me nervous to be with you Haido... Hehehe..." Tetsu laughed nervously.

"You’ll get used..." Hyde said in a soft whisper.

"I know... it’s just that..." Tetsu couldn’t finish his sentence, as Hyde’s lips were pressed against his. Hyde kissed him sweetly, unlike the kisses they had shared before. This kiss was soft, sweet, long... as if Hyde were tasting his lips... Tetsu could realize Hyde was enjoying this one more than any of the other kisses they had previously shared... and he abandoned himself in this subtle pleasure that invaded him too.

Hyde’s eyes were closed, yet his hands were exploring Tetsu’s chest in little touches, under his pajama jacket. The tips of his fingers slowly traveled from his armpit to his waist, tracing the outline of Tetsu’s flank. Tetsu slid his hand under Hyde’s pajama jacket to caress his back softly, in the same rhythm of Hyde’s caresses, without breaking the lock of their tender kiss.

"You know what, Tet-chan?" Hyde whispered softly over Tetsu’s lips and kissed him again.

"What, Doiha-chan?" Tetsu asked in the same manner.

"Kissing turns me on..."

Tetsu withdrew his lips rapidly, and moved backwards.

"You just had to say that!!" Tetsu protested.

"Huh? Nani yo?!" Hyde stared at him in the darkness.

"Omae ga... ah... omae ga... We won’t have sex!! I told you that and you agreed!"

"I did?"

"Yes, YOU DID!"

"Haido no baka..." Hyde said laughing.

"Haido... you really want to have sex?"

"Uh... for a moment... I did..."

"You are sooo scary!" Tetsu protested.

"Yeah. I am... maybe it’s just that I... Why don’t you want to have sex?."

"Can’t we wait? I mean... Can’t we indulge in discovering each other before?"

"Yeah, basically, yeah. I was just trying to save time..."

"Can’t you share a sweet moment without going straight to sex?!"

"Ah... Dekiru! I can! I just... I’m outta habit!"

"Let’s clear a couple things here..." Tetsu said propping himself up and turning on the light on his night table. Hyde sat on the bed and looked at him mocking his serious face, Tetsu was blushing, which amused Hyde.

"What are you used to?!"

"Nani?"

"Yeah, tell me what was it like? What are you expecting?"

"That’s... that’s embarrassing, ne Tet-chan! I’m shy..."

"No, you are not, since you are popping up the subject all the time, and you are thinking about it all the time, and it is ME who is in bed with you!" Tetsu was about to burst out crying, which startled Hyde, who wasn’t used to see him look that way.

"Oi... OK, OK! Ja... it was basically... as you pointed out. We would go to bed and... do it. Uh. It was wild. Then we would talk or something... he would get... uh... his stuff sometimes. Sometimes he would do it before... uh... sex... and uh... sometimes we would go back to sex again, or fall asleep or do something else."

"Where’s the kissing and petting and sweet talking...?"

"Well... that was present... in the early days..."

"So, Lately it was all rough action? No romance? What kind of love did you share?"

"Anou... He didn’t like it much lately. I mean, if he was horny he wanted to go straight to sex." Hyde explained moving his hands.

"So, you mean it was a sex and sex relationship all the time lately?"

"Basically, yeah... well, no... Sometimes it was sex and food..."

"Oh, my... You are not like that, Haido!"

"Anou... Maybe I am... well, but Sakura wanted it like that! And I didn’t want to get into any more trouble..." Hyde protested and then shrugged.

"Since when are you so submissive?!"

"Anou... I don’t know... I guess I gradually gave in!" Hyde protested again annoyed.

"I’ve always thought you were a sensitive guy..." Tetsu commented harshly.

"I am! But lately it was more... hmm action... uh... blow him, or lay on something and spread my legs open for him, or... uh... well, position didn’t matter, he was bigger than me and he would like... lift me or hold me somehow..."

Tetsu looked at him amazed. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He knew very well they had had sex, but his rational side had managed to hide those images Hyde was bringing to his head. And Hyde kept explaining, very graphically... as if the mere thought of it, the mere act of talking about it was turning him on.

"I can’t believe you went for it!" Tetsu said disgusted.

"Well, he was my boyfriend! Why wouldn’t I go for sex!?"

"That’s not what I mean!"

"There is one thing I could never do, though..."

"Really? I’m amazed..."

"He blew me several times..."

"OK, spare me the details!"

"You are jealous?"

"What is it you never did?" Tetsu asked looking away.

"He never let me be the seme..."

"Huh? What?"

"Yeah... like... you know. He never let me play the male role in bed... that was mean of him..."

"Ah... Ah..." Tetsu was at a loss of words.

"You will let me do that, right?" Hyde asked smiling.

"NO!"

"Oh, come on! It will be fun! You’ll like it!"

"No!! No!!"

"Why not?"

Tetsu hugged his legs curling in almost a fetal position.

"Hehehe... You look so cute doing that... OK. If you are scared, I understand. I was scared the first time too."

"Stop it! Stop it, please!!" Tetsu pleaded almost crying. He was shivering and panicking inside. He had always thought of kissing, holding each other, caressing each other... but sex... he had struggled to push those thoughts out of his head... No... Hyde was too gorgeous to picture him having sex with him. Hyde was his precious treasure... he couldn’t contaminate his dainty body like that, taint this pure love so easily... He couldn’t picture himself having sex with Hyde.

"Oh... Well, I’ll give you some time being seme in the beginning... then we can switch roles, ya know... For a change. It’ll be good, I mean, to keep away the routine. Routine is the worst enemy for love. Right, Tet-chan?!" Hyde smiled eagerly. "Ja! I’m so happy we understand each other this well!!"

"I don’t even know if we are ever going to have sex, Haido!"

"What?! Why did you want me to tell you about this if you were going to be so prudish?! I thought it would turn you on!" Hyde protested pushing Tetsu lightly.

"How can it possibly turn me on!?"

"I don’t know. So, nothing I do turns you on!" Hyde snapped pouting angrily and crossing his arms over his chest dejectedly.

"You know what, Haido... I thought this would be easier... I’ve always dreamed of having you in my arms, caressing you, kissing you. I’ve never considered sex or..."

"Why don’t you go ahead and lay me? Huh? I know you will change your mind after you do..."

"I don’t want to do it now! If we ever develop such a kind of relationship, I want us to base it on stuff other than sex, Haido!! I want you to love me, not just sex-with-me. And I want to love you, not just sex-with-you!! Why can’t you get that?!" Tetsu protested slightly knocking his knuckles on Hyde’s head.

"Because... because... you said you are not sure that you love me... so... I figured you might have to start at something, and then... we would move on from there!"

"And how about you?!"

"Uh. I know I like you. I know I can fall hopelessly in love with you after an action-packed night of steamy sex and..."

"I just can’t believe this guy!" Tetsu said to himself overly anguished at the situation, throwing his arms into the air.

"Listen, Tet-chan. Let me blow you. I can do it really, really well. You will like it and after I do, you won’t have second thoughts about me..." Hyde said, almost begging. "It’s a good way to start..."

"I’ll let you--"

"Yatta!" Hyde smiled and started to crawl down in bed towards Tetsu’s legs, but Tetsu grabbed him by the pajama collar and pulled him back.

"Let me finish... I’ll let you, when I can see we are both moving steadily in this relationship. There is no point in it otherwise. Sex is not equal to love. I want you to love me, not to crave for my dick. When you calm down, and we both become sure about our feelings, then maybe we’ll even have sex and..."

"Who are you to say that!? You don’t feel any love for me!!!"

"I think, every minute I spend with you I’m more and more certain that I love you, Haido... If you were less pushy, I would make up my mind sooner..."

"OK." Hyde said not very convinced. "You’ll be sorry you took so long to say yes, cuz you will want me to do this every day!"

"Maybe I will. But I would be sorry if I let you do it, and later I found out that it didn’t mean half as much for you as it did for me."

Hyde lowered his sight... Somehow, he was beginning to understand up to what extent Tetsu did care for him. And somehow he was beginning to notice how his twisted plan was doomed. It felt weird inside him. Like a feeling he had not had for a long time.

"Let’s get dressed and go somewhere cheerful for dinner, huh, Tet-chan?" Hyde asked in a barely audible voice.

"Yokatta."