L'Arc en Ciel Fanfiction .::. Angel and Demon

Chapter 21:~I Say Goodbye~

Hyde woke up at noon. A neighbor passed by him shaking his head. He stood up and grabbed his belongings rapidly. He turned at only centimeters away from Tetsu’s door, but he couldn’t get himself to knock on it.

He touched the wooden door lightly, taunting on it. It was cold. He pressed his hand against it, and pushed it a little. The door was locked, he sensed it. He tried to peek through the narrow slit between the frame and the door itself to confirm it, and noticed it was indeed locked.

He remembered Tetsu hadn’t locked it the night before... He knocked on it lightly.

No answer.

Hyde pressed his ear against it to be able to hear any sound. This time of the day, Tet-chan was sure awake.

No sound.

He walked towards the elevator biting his thumbnail, and descended in silence. He walked clumsily towards the pay phone at the main hall in the building. His body was sore and he had a very bad feeling. Hyde dialed nervously and waited. Ken answered.

"Moshi, moshi..."

"Ken-chan..."

"Haido, why aren’t you here? We have been practicing for an hour now..."

"Is Tet-chan there?" Hyde asked eagerly.

"Of course. How come you don’t know? Wait... What happened?"

"No... Nothing... Uh... He’s at the studio..."

"You fought?"

"Uh... no, no... I... I am... I am not feeling well. I’ve a headache. I’ll stay at home. Gotta go now."

"Uh... Wait! Haido!"

Hyde hanged up. His small-framed body was shaking, leaning on the pay phone. Tears streaming down his cheeks.

"So, you went out, Tet-chan... You saw me... and you didn’t care... you didn’t save me... you didn’t care at all..."

Hyde walked with effort towards his home. His legs were heavy and all his body was hurtful. He was so depressed walking was too hard for him, as if his limbs had suddenly become loaded with lead. He didn’t want to move. He was tempted several times to sit on the sidewalk, and stay there... letting the sun creep over his body. It wouldn’t hurt, since all of him was in total darkness. He thought while he walked that in some way everyone had been right. He had gradually fallen out of love with Sakura long ago, after all the fights and rough times they had had. He had only been obsessing over him because he kept clinging to the images and sensations of the good times with him. Sakura had been right when he had said Hyde’s feelings were not love, but unfortunately, he had been the last one to realize of it. Well... Second to last...

Hyde managed to arrive home. He closed the door behind him and walked in with effort.

"It’s over, Haido..." he whispered to himself. "You’ve lost it all..."

He took off his clothes, and dropped them carelessly on the floor. Turned on the CD player and pumped up the volume to the maximum. Dark and loud. The music matched his feelings perfectly well.

Hyde walked with effort to the kitchen, his legs were heavy, his body sore. He took a cigarette from the upper drawer, lit it and inhaled wearily. Before pushing the drawer back he took a glimpse at the diverse objects in it... His left hand slightly touched every little thing that was kept into that drawer, and finally, his slim fingers were pressed against the wooden handle of a sharp kitchen knife. He took the knife out of the drawer, looked at it, and played with the light that reflected itself on the blade, projecting weird shapes on the kitchen walls. He moved the blade to one side and caught sight of his own face, the face of a devastated man. He put out the cigarette and then, holding the knife in his left hand, he walked towards the bathroom.

He entered the bathroom and locked the door from inside. Opened the faucet and let the hot water fill the tub. He watched quietly, absorbed in the swirls of water forming around the drain. Then he played drawing circles in the water with the kitchen knife, and finally after a long while he entered the tub holding the knife in his right hand. He sat slowly and sighed, folding his knees and resting his head on the wall behind him. He held the knife between his hands and examined his face reflected on the blade once again. Then pressing the knife against his left wrist he began to slowly cut the thin, pale skin on it... drops of blood falling in the warm water. The hand was insecure, drawing a long line along his wrist up to the end of his forearm, almost as if he were sketching in his notebook. He did the same to his right arm, and then went back at it, making it deeper and deeper, concentrated, absolutely focused on his ultimate work of art. Soon the whole tub was stained of blood.

Hyde smiled in the dark, closing his eyes.

"Goodbye, Tet-chan... Goodbye, Sakura. Goodbye L’Arc en ciel... Goodbye Hyde. Hideto will go to sleep now." He whispered drained of any strength he might have had left.

Hyde leaned his head back again, sinking a little, resting it on the tub border, his arms dropped wearily, and the knife sunk under the warm water, blood gushing out of his wrists at both sides of his body.

"Kuso!" Tetsu exclaimed overly annoyed. He had cut the second string that day. It was not like him.

"What’s with you, Tet-chan? Bass guitar strings are not that easy to cut..." Ken asked concerned.

"I’ve spare ones." Tetsu snapped.

"Yeah, I know you do... it’s just that..."

"Kuso!" Tetsu swore again.

"What now?"

"I cut my finger with a string."

"You are nervous, aren’t you?" Ken asked.

Yukihiro looked at them curiously... they sure didn’t look like the serious professional band they were. And for a second day in a row.

Ken noticed. "It’s OK, Yuki-kun... Tetsu is having a bit of an emotional ruckus..."

"What do you know, asshole?" Tetsu snapped.

"See? It’s not like Tet-chan to speak like that. He’s the sweet sensitive guy that soothes everyone..."

Yukihiro nodded staring at them.

Ken grabbed Tetsu by the neck with his arm and dragged him apart.

"You fought?" Ken asked and lit a cigarette.

"Yes."

"I thought so. What did he do?"

"He fooled me."

"Really? How?"

"All the time he was fooling me. He never meant anything he said. He just wanted someone to play Sakura’s role."

"Hmm... He looked pretty happy to be with you yesterday... He called concerned a while back..."

"Yeah. I thought it was him. When I left home he was sleeping at my doorstep."

"What?!"

"Yeah."

"You left and didn’t even wake him up or anything?!"

"Yeah... I was about to... but..."

"Yukihiro... you go on without us, we have a situation here..." Ken urged tossing his guitar away and dragging Tetsu with him.

"Wha...? How am I supposed to practice without you two...? I can do that at home!!" Yukihiro was aghast.

"You moron!! You of all people!!! How can you be so stupid!!?"

"Stay out of this, Ken!!" Tetsu protested.

"Shit! He asked me to help him... He asked me to help him with you cuz he knew you were not believing him..."

"Of course! He’s been lying all the time, Ken!" Tetsu protested, warm tears rolling down his cheeks. "I’ve been so blind! I let him fool me into believing he was in love with me and then..."

"Shut up! You are such an idiot! He is in love with you!" Ken protested and walked hastily along the sidewalk dragging Tetsu along.

"No... he’s not... I wish he were... but he’s not..."

"And what did he do to make you see he was fooling you? Huh?" Ken demanded yelling.

"Going ‘I’ll get back at you, Sakura! You left me, Sakura!’ for example..."

"Come on! Did you really expect him to act coldly towards Sakura?! Sakura did leave him! And he probably resents everything that happened and he is furious about it! That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you! He can love you and still be mad at him! You, asshole!"

"You don’t understand, Ken!"

"I do understand all so well... We gotta go to his place... we gotta get a cab..."

"It’s pointless Ken! We are through..."

"No, it’s not! If you had gone through what he’s gone, you’d also want a revenge, moron! Look at you! You just fought with him and you already did have your fucking revenge by leaving him at your doorstep!"

"Uh... No, Ken..."

"Have you wondered why he stayed there instead of going home?!"

"I don’t know, Ken!" Tetsu protested trying not to cry in public.

"Because he expected you to forgive him! He expected you to let him in your life again! Why else?"

"I don’t know..."

"You think he can’t pay for a cab?! You think he doesn’t have friends to go out with and have helluva night drinking and getting laid?!"

"I know he does..."

"But he was waiting for you!!"

"I... I... I was too mad to think..."

"I can believe that shit from anyone but you, fearless leader." Ken spat angrily.

"I... wanted him to go... under the same pain I’m going through..."

"Of course. I fucking knew it!! That’s why he sounded like shit when he was on the phone! You baka! After such a long time... Just when he falls in love with you and chooses to say the truth for once in his fucking life, you dump him in this way!! Baka!!"

"He is only in love with himself!" Tetsu protested as Ken pushed him inside a cab, and gave the taxi driver directions to reach Hyde’s place.

"Sir, please put out your cigarette..." The taxi driver urged.

"I’ll put it out on your head if you don’t drive me to my friend’s place!"

The driver pulled out scared.

"Tetsu... Tetsu... This is not a regular person you are dealing with... it’s HAIDO. No normal stuff can be expected!! If you want to break up with him, do it in a civilized way!"

"I’ve fallen in love with him again... but this time it is worse. I’ve been with him... almost had him. I thought I had him, he was mine. I thought it was a dream come true... after so long..." Tetsu trailed off looking outside the car window, trying to hide his tears. He knew he loved Hyde so deeply... and he was so hurt to know, inside him, that Hyde didn’t love him.

"That bastard fag is in love with you, you moron! He’s stupid, OK. He’s a brat, OK. He’s always trying to look cool and mean, OK. But you know what, Tet-chan? Deep inside Hyde is the sensitive kind of bastard!"

Tetsu didn’t answer. He knew just how right Ken was.

"You heard me?"

Tetsu sobbed. "You think I don’t know that?"

"How could you leave him lying on the floor at your doorstep, that is beyond me!" Ken said very annoyed.

"Ken... You think he might do something stupid...?" Tetsu had been thinking about this for a while now.

"Your finger... the strings... it’s an omen. I’ve a very bad feeling."

"Don’t be silly... I’m asking seriously."

"He’ll be shaving his head or something like that!" Ken protested. "He’ll ruin us!"

"I hope it doesn’t go further than that..."

"Yeah, probably he is shaving his balls by now!"

"Ken..."

"Listen, if you wanna break up with him, do it like a man. Not like this. Talk to him and bear with the consequences. But don’t ever do this kind of thing to him again!!"

"I promise, Ken-chan..."

They arrived at the tall building where Hyde lived. Took the elevator and reached Hyde’s floor in seconds flat. They walked rapidly and stood at his door.

"Now, Tet-chan... Apologize to him first..."

"Listen, Ken... this is a hard situation for us, so I’ll talk to him..."

"I don’t care what the fucking hell you do! Talk to him or dance naked on his dining room table, but just stop him from shaving his balls!"

"What?"

"He might get a bad cut there!" Ken knocked on the door. "Shit... and to think I laughed when he talked about hanging himself and me regretting not having helped him... Oh... shit..."

"Ah... he’s listening to music..." Tetsu commented. Ken didn’t answer and sighed.

"Open the fucking door, Haido!" Ken yelled.

Tetsu pushed the door open. It was unlocked.

"Uh... well thought..." Ken snapped. They both entered the apartment. Hyde’s stuff was on the table. Suddenly Ken realized the carpet was wet. He looked down and saw the water coming from under the bathroom door.

"He fell asleep in the bath..." Tetsu said in a very low voice.

Ken tried to open the bathroom door. It was locked.

"Open the door, Haido!" Ken yelled. No answer.

"Open the fucking door, Haido!!" Tetsu yelled kicking the door and hitting it with his fists.

"Haido, I’ll break your fucking door if you don’t open it!!" Ken yelled and began kicking it with Tetsu. No answer.

"Haido, it’s me, Tetsu!! Open the fucking door now!! We can talk this out!!"

Again no answer.

"Let’s break it. I’ve a very bad feeling." Tetsu asked shivering.

Both men forced the door until it got out of its hinges. They pushed it aside and turned on the light...

The sight they had before their eyes was beyond anything they could have ever expected.