L'Arc en Ciel Fanfiction .::. Angel and Demon

Chapter 8 ~Storm~

The sky was dark and the clattering sound of thunder crepitated as if that black cloak were going to crumble and fall down onto the earth. The rhythmic resonance of the heavy rain pouring down on Shibuya matched the blinking of the neon street lights, and washed down the sidewalks in eternally running streams of water leading up to nowhere.

109. Up there, high, unmovable, near the invisible clouds. A district icon shining through the juxtaposed layers of water.

For half a second the night could have become day when a thin, ramified blue lightning pierced the opaque black sky in an outburst of light, followed closely by another shattering explosion above Tokyo. And the transparent drapes of the heavy rain curtains intensified, wrapping the whole city like gossamer veils of gauze. Lulling their stubborn, relentless and unchanging melody.

Hyde clung to Sakura’s arm trying to shelter himself under the drummer’s umbrella.

"Ne... Sakura-chan..."

"What?" Sakura mumbled.

"You still love me?"

"Uh, we said we’d discuss it at your place, not in the street."

Sakura sped up his pace, splitting the tiny pools of water on the sidewalk with hurried footsteps. Hyde rushed and matched his pace.

"Ne... Sakura-chan..." Hyde pressed his face against Sakura’s arm. "You were jealous of Ken-chan and Tet-chan?"

"Oh, shut up, you sound like a school girl... I told you we’ll talk when we are at your place."

Hyde protested but the sudden sound of thunder muffled his voice.

"I missed you, Sakura chan."

"Well, you never called." Sakura answered distractedly while watching the traffic lights before crossing the street. Hyde was still clinging to his arm.

"I did."

"Yeah, right..." Sakura rolled his eyes. They both crossed the street as if they were Siamese twins stuck to each other hopelessly.

"They didn’t let me talk to you... the nurses, I mean..." Hyde explained tightening his grip on Sakura’s arm in fear of the slippery ground.

"You kept trying?"

"Uh... no..." Hyde lowered his eyes. "You know I hate talking on the phone..."

"Yeah... Well, that’s barely an excuse..."

"I’m sorry..." Hyde muttered, releasing Sakura’s arm in guilt.

"You chopped your hair so bad, Haido." Sakura said running his fingers through Hyde’s hair while pulling him closer under the umbrella.

"Yeah. Tet-chan says I lost weight too."

Sakura rounded Hyde’s waist with his arms. "It’s true." He said.

Hyde smiled and looked up at him.

"Everything will be like before, right, Sakura-chan?"

"No."

"Huh?"

"Just shut up and walk. We’ll get drenched."

"Un..." Hyde agreed sadly.

A few minutes of cold silence enveloped them as they walked, with only the persistent rustling of the incessant rain as a background noise. Even those chilly drops felt warmer than the distance around them. The sensation of waiting for someone all night, and falling asleep with the TV white noise for all lullaby.

"Ne... Sakura-chan..." Hyde’s inflection was lower.

"What now, Haido?" Sakura asked in a tired voice.

"You have a lover already?"

"Oh, shut up!" Sakura protested overly irritated at the constant questioning. It was already painful enough for him to walk back to Hyde’s place... as if nothing had happened.

"Tell me, please..." Hyde pleaded.

"Yes, I do." Sakura lied.

Hyde swallowed bitterly. "Girl? Boy?"

"Girl." Sakura kept lying, knowing it would hurt Hyde, and possibly make him shut up.

"Aa. How mean of you... I don’t have any lovers..." Hyde protested after both of them watched a group of people insulting a passing by driver that had sprinkled them in unwanted mud.

"Too bad. Maybe you are not as sexy as you think you are."

"I could have thousands at the snap of a finger, baka!" Hyde protested.

"But you don’t." Sakura answered smirking grimly.

"No. Because I only want you."

"Too bad."

"Are you that mad at me?"

"Will you shut up... uh... please? We said your place! This is the street. Street is not Haido’s place, OK?"

"You are making my heart ache." Hyde started to put up the drama queen act he had mastered over years of using it.

"Well, either Ken or Tetsu can heal it..."

Hyde smiled. "Ah-ha! I knew you were jealous. Ken-chan is so smart." He stuck out his tongue to Sakura’s arm. "Even if he’s also baka."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Arigatou Ken-chan!" Hyde laughed and said between teeth.

"What?"

"Betsu ni!" Hyde answered amused.

Several minutes later, they arrived into Hyde’s building. Sakura closed his umbrella and followed the shorter man silently, like in a soundless procession, padding slowly across the carpeted lobby. He had been there before, countless times before. Nothing seemed to have changed much. Still the same old faces greeting politely at the security post. Still the same arcs and lights... the same patterns, the same couches, the same smell of newly rich. And even if he knew six months were not such a long time, it seemed like ages to him. He could swear he had been there in a past life... not six months ago.

The funny thing was he didn’t remember ever leaving the building. He didn’t remember much of anything about his departure. How can anyone come back to a place they don’t remember having left? He felt as if he were dreaming. Re-enacting a scene in a play he had never wanted to be in. The play of losing love, written by the wickedest and most immoral writer in this damned world. (Oops... isn’t that D.H.?... sorry to break the mood...)

But there he was on the stage once again. Once again not having a script, improvising his way through life. Following Hyde blindly, like he had always done before. And he couldn’t quite discern why he did it, after all.

His mind was cluttered with memories, happy ones overlaying painful ones. But the memories failed to portray his departure... they failed to remind him of the way he and Hyde had been torn apart by the bitterness and resentment that had dwelled in the place that had previously been their shelter from the outside world. The protected bunker where their love was not questioned, and flowed freely, unbounded, joyful.

Sakura automatically stopped behind Hyde who stood in front of the elevator door. He waited behind him, his heart oppressed and eager at the same time. Re-living the past... That was something Sakura didn’t want to do. He wanted to move along, start again. Leave everything behind. His wings, his blood tainted wings, wanted to fly freely again. And here he was standing behind the man who had the keys of the chains binding him to earth.

The elevator door opened with a muffled swoosh and they both walked in.

Twentieth floor. Sakura stared at the blinking led on top of the neatly ranged set of round numbered buttons. One could barely feel these modern elevators moving, and this sudden idea struck him... what if this is all a lie? What if the elevator isn’t really going up, and the leds are just fooling us into believing it does? What if actually everyone lives in one wide ground floor?

He shook the idea out of his mind. There were emergency staircases to prove him wrong.

And the elevator door opened again with the same automatic swoosh. Both men walked out of the silver cage in silence. They knew their way.

The dark carpeted aisle seemed a long walk towards their destiny. Sakura watched the beveled sconces shining dimly yellow against the square panels that made the walls, arranged symmetrically in perfect congruence with the pretentious decor of the whole place.

And they finally reached the door, like they were supposed to.

So, they went in.

Sakura took off his raincoat and shoes after leaving his umbrella in the tall and expensive china container with European patterns painted all over them. It was a fake. But Hyde so loved these things. Hyde rapidly kicked his shoes off. The smaller man shuddered in tension and started babbling incessantly about incoherent details that had changed since Sakura had last been there.

He had had to change two light bulbs. It had been annoying since he had never bought a ladder. The concierge’s daughter was going to have a baby. Sakura remembered neither the concierge nor the daughter.

He just nodded.

Hyde had forgotten to clear up the table after Tetsu had left earlier that day.

It was kind of evident...

They walked in, and Sakura sat on the border of the couch leaning forwards. Hyde stood in front of him, took a cigarette and offered Sakura one.

Sakura took it and Hyde lit both with his plastic yellow lighter. He took a short nervous laugh and coughed letting the smoke out in small uneven and intangible balls of light gray haze.

"Well... here we are..." Sakura interrupted. He wasn’t going to spend a whole night discussing the concierge’s daughter.

"Yeah... Oh! I’ll get you some food!" Hyde said as he turned to go to the kitchen. "I have fish I cooked this afternoon, I bet it’s good. I mean, I didn’t eat it, but the kitten loved it... I mean... I mean..."

"It’s OK, Haido... thanks... you needn’t..."

"Please. I love to see you eat my food." Hyde smiled at him one of his warmest smiles. "It’s great to see the person I love delighting in something I’ve made with my own hands..."

"Thanks." Sakura said and hid his face from Hyde. He hated him. He hated Hyde for making him love him so desperately.

He loved him. He loved him so much he was soon oblivious to the pain.

"No problem." Hyde smiled again. That sweet torture Sakura longed for and wanted to reject at the same time.

The drummer leant back on the couch staring at the large windows in the dining room. With an absent gaze, like watching a movie nobody else could see developing in front of his eyes.

The movie of his life with Hyde projected on the drapes of the dark, velvet curtains partially hiding the windows. The carefully disposed drapes of softly shimmering navy blue, playing with shades and lights in such a subtle way, one would get delighted at watching them, rather than at the landscape they covered.

He forced his eyes to stare into the darkness beyond the drop stained glass. The rain was lighter, now... it might stop in a few hours.

Everything might stop in a few hours.

Hyde came back from the kitchen trying to balance the dish with fish, the bowl of rice, the plate, the chopsticks and quite a number of other elements he could have brought in installments instead of making the equilibrium circus act he was at. He placed everything on the low coffee table in front of the couch and served the fish for Sakura.

Sakura nodded smiling appreciatively, and started eating while Hyde watched him eagerly.

"Tastes good, ne? Sak-chan? Tell me, tell me..."

"Un." Sakura nodded. His mouth was full. "Oishii na."

"You missed my food, ne? Did you? Did you?"

Sakura smiled obliging. He hadn’t had a decent meal in a long time. He just lacked the will to cook.

"Is the wine OK? Ne, Sakura?" Hyde insisted eagerly.

"Un." Sakura nodded. "Very good."

"Ah... ureshii sa..." Hyde smiled anxiously. "Want some more?" he poured the full liquid inside Sakura’s glass before being given an answer, and started babbling again.

"I have a plan, listen, it’s a good plan. Maybe I’m not as good at planning stuff as Tet-chan is, but Tet-chan can’t help me with this..."

"OK, I’m listening." Sakura mumbled while chewing.

"My plan is: we go back to like we were before. I’ll let my hair grow back again, if you want, and I’ll basically do anything you want..."

"Wait..."

"No, you wait, just eat and let me finish..." Hyde went on gushing out fervently. "I mean it when I say I’ll do as you please. I’ll do everything in the house. I know I’m kinda bad at house chores... hehehe... but that’s just cuz I’m lazy, I know how to do stuff. So you won’t have to worry about a thing. You won’t find any more piles of dirty dishes, or heaps of dirty underwear... uh... I won’t make you vacuum-clean or..."

"Yeah, yeah... wakatta... needn’t be so specific. If you keep listing I’ll have to listen for about a month." Sakura nodded remembering the nightmarish state the house used to be in when they were living together. Not that it had changed much judging by what he was seeing around him.

"Ja, OK... well, and you can do... just about anything... I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of anything you might need. I’ll be OK even if you want to have a lover, and I won’t have any lovers... unless you want me to. I’ll do exactly as you say..."

"Haido..."

"No, wait... wait... I won’t be jealous and I won’t nag... I’ll clean and cook, and I’ll take care of you..."

"Haido..."

"Wait, wait! I mean it. You name it, I do it. Just... just stay with me, please... be my boyfriend again... be my lover again..."

"Haido... that won’t happen..."

"Oh, please! What else do you want?!" Hyde sounded desperate. "I’ll do anything you want, just ask me! Try me! You’ll see I’m not lying. You don’t have to just believe me, you... you... try me and you’ll see!"

"Haido... that won’t work."

"I’ll be a good boy... or I’ll play good girl... I’ll be anything you want!! Please, Sakura!"

"Haido..." Sakura caressed Hyde’s cheeks with the tip of his fingers... and Hyde’s eyes became full of tears again.

"Haido, don’t push it any more. It’s over... Have you forgotten... everything that happened?"

"No, I haven’t... I apologize... I didn’t mean any wrong when I called the ambulance, but... I guess... I was stupid, I apologize!" Hyde yelled. "I acted out of fear... I was afraid you might die! Sakura! I didn’t mean to do you any wrong! I apologize! I apologize a million times!"

"You apologize because I raped you?"

"It’s OK. I was scared then, but I’m not scared now..."

"So... say... if I jump on you now, and pin you down to the floor..."

"It’s OK, Sakura..." Hyde swallowed and nodded.

"... and I tear off your clothes... and..." Sakura took a deep breath and went on, "... and I rape you again..."

"I won’t say a word, Sakura... not a word. Nobody will know. I won’t cry, I won’t even scream or cry. You can do anything you want..."

"That’s not like you, Haido."

Hyde put out his cigarette nervously, and pressed it repeatedly against the crystal ashtray resting on the low dining room table, then he stared at Sakura and replied.

"I’ll bear it all, Sakura."

"That’s sick, Haido."

"I’m in love with you! Can’t you see?" Hyde protested yelling.

"I see... you are sick, Haido. This is not love. When you love someone you expect..."

"Please!" Hyde took Sakura’s hand and squeezed it.

"Haido, please, listen to me... I’ve been doing a lot of thinking all this time and..."

"It is love! I’ll prove it! I’ll show you it is love! I love you!!"

Those words had a devastating effect on Sakura. For years he had expected Hyde to do exactly what he was doing now. He had waited, patiently. He had given the small-framed man plenty of time to come to get himself to say it. To come to show his feelings openly. To drop his detached attitude. And just now, when everything they had once had had broken to smithereens, way beyond repair, Hyde would suddenly come up with this. With this exaggeration of what Sakura had always wanted... This demonstration of total insanity and despair. It was either bad timing, or Hyde’s fear of being alone. The latter was the most likely.

Sakura finished his food. Then pushed the dish away and got up, looking at Hyde, he smiled and lifted him in his arms.

"I love you too, Haido, but this is not going to work."

"Let’s try, Sakura..." Sakura silenced Hyde by pressing a kiss on his lips. Hyde threw his arms around Sakura’s neck and returned the kiss eagerly, tears escaping his eyes.

Sakura’s plans were crumbling down. He wanted to leave Hyde. He wanted to reason with him, make him see that everything was over. Make him see that they could still be good friends, but he loved him so much, he couldn’t gather himself to do it. He knew he was succumbing to his own desires, but he let it be... for one last night. Sakura walked into the bedroom carrying Hyde in his arms, without breaking the kiss.

He put Hyde on the bed carefully and sat beside him, looking at his gorgeous face. Hyde smiled at him and that made Sakura’s heart melt. His mind was clouded, he couldn’t do but follow the orders his body dictated him. He wanted Hyde. And the painful irony of the situation was that he was getting what he wanted at the less suitable time. Why hadn’t this small man understood how Sakura had loved him? He had fallen head over heels for him since the very minute he had seen him. He had provoked Hyde, and Hyde had responded. He had liked it... but later Sakura realized that probably it had just been Hyde’s big ego, his need to draw attention from everyone... and the pleasure to get it.

Hyde stroked Sakura’s stomach under the drummer’s shirt lovingly and rested his head on a pillow.

"Kiss me again, please..." Hyde asked in a soft moan. And Sakura obeyed, his body dominated his mind, and leaning his body on the smaller man’s he cupped his face in his hands. He could feel Hyde’s hands stroking his hair, fondling it lovingly, and staring at him without releasing his lips. Sakura moved his right hand from Hyde’s chin to the vocalist’s waist, and tugging from the white cotton shirt, he encouraged him to take it off. Hyde took off his sweater and shirt, and laid back on the bed smiling at Sakura.

"You smell of food." Sakura whispered in Hyde’s ear, causing him to shiver and smile.

"Yeah, I cooked for you, dummy..." Hyde replied in a lovely voice.

"Your food was great... but I might want to taste the dessert now..." Sakura whispered again in Hyde’s ear... his voice husky, his breath moist... Hyde shivered and purred trying to catch Sakura’s lips again. Sakura retreated and slowly nibbled at Hyde’s earlobe. Hyde moaned in pleasure and pushed his hips against Sakura’s leg.

"Take me... please, Sakura... you won’t be sorry... remember?" Hyde pleaded in a choked voice, full of lust.

"I will." Sakura answered tickling his ear with his soft breath.

"No, you won’t be sorry..." Hyde moaned. "It won’t be like before..." he gasped. "It will be better."

Sakura bit lightly on Hyde’s earlobe and licked his delicate jawbone, he caught one of Hyde’s nipples between his fingers and slowly played with it, tugged from it, circled it... Then Hyde pulled from Sakura’s shirt and took it off him, leaning his head forwards he began to kiss Sakura’s chest, and licked it slowly, tracing a random pattern of kisses while holding on to the taller man’s back.

Sakura moaned and unhooked his pants, letting Hyde pull them off. They had done this numerous times before... but it felt different now. Sakura felt guilty somewhere inside his heart, but his body was commanding, and so he undid Hyde’s jeans, and slowly slid a hand under the vocalist’s boxers, hearing him roar. He was definitely turned on. Both of them were. Like in the old times. Like the first time they had made love. The memories flashed back in Sakura’s head. They had been both so insecure and scared... not knowing what to do... both awkward... that first time, he would never forget... He used to joke back then that Hyde was asking for it, and he had got what he deserved... but actually he knew he, himself, had been waiting for the chance from the first time he had seen him.

Sakura closed his eyes and remembered just how Hyde looked that very first time. His hair was long, and wavy... he looked just like a girl... he was wearing a white shirt and leather pants, and Sakura had stripped him eagerly while the delicate man lied nervously on his bed. And Hyde had been afraid, but he had laughed, pleased at his sexual drive. That first time... He had loved him so ardently, and Hyde had returned his love with equal drive... yet... it was true: Hyde had never said he loved him.

Sakura remembered how he played with Hyde on the bed that first night. How he had kissed him madly and how Hyde had returned each and every one of his kisses. How he had feared to go on, and how, just like at this time, his body had taken command over him. And Hyde had had been so scared, but had tried to pretend he wasn’t. Sakura could clearly remember Hyde’s loud cries when he first made love to him, how the small man would tightly hold on to him, and bite his lower lip not to scream, pretending it didn’t hurt, when Sakura knew it did. How the then long-haired vocalist had lied on his bed crying in pain afterwards, unable to hide it anymore. They both lost their innocence that day... it clearly showed on Sakura, but Hyde had managed somehow to conceal it.

Sakura sunk his head between Hyde’s jaw and shoulder, breathing the inebriating scent of the most precious thing he had ever had. And the smell of Hyde was the most powerful pheromone in the world for him. And he gave in. Defeated before his one-way ticket to hell, by this pulsating desire dwelling at his stomach, pushing him to the small-framed treasured man in his arms. He pushed Hyde back on the bed and opened his legs driven by the burning desire running along his veins, throbbing on his temples and under his waist. He caressed his lover’s arousal and heard him moan with the same eager passion that was flowing inside them both. He had always loved Hyde. He had hated him and loved him at the same time. He had never been able to show himself indifferent to him. This time at Tetsu’s place had been no exception. Sakura slowly slid a finger inside Hyde, and the small man cried a deep cry of pleasure as he felt it. Hyde had been expecting this, missing this, yearning for this for a long time. Sakura’s absence had taken a toll on his heart and soul.

"Yes, Sakura... please don’t stop...!" He urged him, and Sakura slid another finger inside him, feeling him shiver and tilt his head backwards forcefully, shaking it... it had been some time... he had been saying the truth... Hyde obviously had had no one after him. Sakura felt he would drop himself on top of Hyde and melt in his pleasure-craving, impassioned skin.

"You want it, Haido?" Sakura moaned in a husky voice, planting a soft wet kiss on his lover’s testicles, and Hyde yelled out a deep "Yes."

Sakura took Hyde’s arousal in his hand and began caressing it at an increasing pace, speeding up his strokes, and running his fingers delicately on him. Catching the tip of his hardened member between his right index and thumb, and rubbing it softly, then letting his vigorous hand wrap him in a pulsing movement, taking Hyde’s lust and desire in his hand and feeling his own arousal about to burst. Hyde moaned and shivered, pushing his hips higher and dropping down to bed, as if he were thrusting blindly inside Sakura’s powerful hands. He knew Sakura would enter him at any minute, and before he could finish his thought, he felt Sakura’s length going inside his body in one powerful thrust that left him out of breath.

Hyde pushed his head even more backwards, and hit the headboard hard. The pain inside his body was bigger than the one on top of his head.

"Careful, pretty boy..." Sakura caressed Hyde’s stomach lovingly, and then took his lover’s arousal in his hand again, and resumed caressing it fast, like before, while thrusting inside him. Hyde screamed both in pleasure and agonizing pain. He tried to close his legs a little, but Sakura pulled them apart softly and rested his lover’s feet on his shoulders. He rounded Hyde’s thighs with his arms and held him by the waist with his idle hand.

Hyde remembered their first time too... The pain was always there, but this time, he would not pretend. This time he would let Sakura know exactly everything he felt and wanted. This time he would prove Sakura how much he needed him, and thus, Sakura would not leave him again... He would never be alone again. He would endure anything, provided that Sakura remained at his side. He couldn’t afford to be alone again, like in the past months. He needed the attention. And he didn’t know any more if it was love or not... but he didn’t care. As long as there was someone there to hold on to, he felt safe. And Sakura had always adored him. And no other lover had ever paid so much attention to him before. Even if it wasn’t love any more, it still felt good. And Hyde did need it.

Sakura tugged gently from Hyde’s penis and jiggled while thrusting inside him. He had done this so many times before, but it wasn’t like a routine. It wasn’t the same tonight. Hyde did feel different, like he was really trying to make sure Sakura noticed how much he was enjoying it... or suffering it... but this time, this very time, Hyde was actually showing unrestrained emotions for a change. He was letting go...

And why... Why now and not before? It would have meant a world of a difference before...

Suddenly, Hyde bellowed out a deep cry, part pain, part pleasure, Sakura felt the warm, sticky substance in his hand, and Hyde’s body loosing strength as his scream died out... He had missed that. Both of them had. And Sakura’s heart raced faster as he realized of what he had been lacking for such a long time. It was a body need. A basic need. The need of Hyde. The addiction to Hyde. The small man had been his first addiction, the one he knew he would never get totally over. Because Hyde was indeed gorgeous. Because Hyde was indeed the devil. Attractive, alluring, impossible to ignore... impossible to forget... And even the torture of being with him was pleasure. And the devil could please, like nobody could... And Sakura did know it was a fact.

Sakura couldn’t hold himself any more, and he came inside Hyde yelling out a loud cry of pleasure... after a few seconds, his tired and pleased body dropped on top of Hyde limply, almost crushing him, hearing both men’s heartbeats encompassed as one.

Hyde breathed heavily, filling his lungs with the musky scent of sex and sweat flooding the room. The scent that had been around him for such a long time now, it always felt like home.

Hyde tried to escape from the crushing body on top of him.

"I c-c-can’t breathe..." He moaned softly. And Sakura moved a little to one side letting Hyde adopt a more comfortable position. Hyde wrapped his arms around Sakura’s shoulders, and forced him to turn, then he put his head on his lover’s chest and fell asleep... smiling... even asleep his smile was the warmest and most beautiful one Sakura had ever seen.

Sakura caressed Hyde’s buttocks and felt the warm fluids running down the small man’s skinny legs, he raised his fingers to his face to look at it.

"Pink..." He said to himself. "...blood..." He concluded. Hyde had been honest. He had had no lovers after their break-up. Honest. Maybe, for the first time in years.

Sakura closed his eyes and pressed Hyde’s small frame against his body. Warm heavy tears dropped one by one down his cheeks in a slow march.

The sweet torment of loving Hyde... The magic agony of being drawn to him. The impossibility to leave unwounded... He had lost again against his cell keeper. He had failed once more, victim of his own weakness. A weakness that carried a fake name, a heavenly shape, a smell of sweet perfume, a velvety voice urging him to please him. And it was the worst time to be a loser now, just when he was trying his best to give himself a brand new start in life.

"Haido... my padlock, my pretty boy..." Sakura mumbled in a whisper.

Outside it had begun to rain heavily again, rattling against the bedroom windowpanes.

Sakura cuddled Hyde against his chest and turned off the night table lamp. It would be another long sleepless night.

Another night of blankly staring at the darkness while feeling the warm tears rolling down his cheeks.

One more... and counting...