L'Arc en Ciel Fanfiction .::. Angel and Demon

Chapter 9 ~Dead End. No Way Out~

Hyde woke up at around noon. He yawned, eyes still closed, and stretched himself smiling pleased. The images of the previous night still lingered in his mind, parading pleasurably before his eyes. And as his body woke up slowly, he started to guess the traces of the passionate lovemaking Sakura and he had shared the night before. His skin remembered Sakura’s touch, his lips remembered Sakura’s kisses... all his body felt enveloped by Sakura’s... He was so happy... he took a deep breath and he could smell Sakura’s scent on the pillow. The whole room smelled of him. The scent of company, the one that tore the dark cloak of solitude and shredded it away for good. Everything was incredibly quiet in the house. Hyde extended his hand to reach out for Sakura beside him... he would wake him up and kiss him. Then he would make him breakfast... yes, he had it all planned out. Sakura would fall helplessly at his feet again. He would love him again with the same feverishly ardent love they had once shared. And nothing else mattered, of course, because the loneliness was gone. The emptiness had been filled again, and Hyde felt safe and adored... they way it should be for him. The way that felt right for him. And his hand taunted seeking for the contact with the warm skin... the skin he anticipated slippery with sweat just like his. The one he anticipated rejoicing in his very touch, responding eagerly, delighting his fingers and laying a glowing wrap of magic on his self.

But the place next to him on the bed was empty. Cold and empty. Hyde opened his eyes choking desperately. He looked beside him and saw he was alone. He jumped out of bed bellowing out, calling Sakura’s name in despair. No answer. This time it couldn’t have been a dream... everything had been too real. And the scent... he was not imagining the scent. He could smell it. He was positive about it.

He ran naked to the dining room, his legs shaking weak, and he found Sakura sitting at the table, writing on a piece of paper.

"Ah... you are up sooner than I thought." Sakura said calmly when he saw Hyde and he smiled at him. All traces of coldness had been erased by the steamy night they had shared.

"Wha-what are you doing, Sakura-chan?" Hyde asked with a visible fear creeping up his face. "Why do you have your coat on?" He signaled.

"I have to go home, Haido." Sakura answered calmly.

"Whe-when are you coming back?" Hyde asked smiling nervously, his voice tinged of fear.

"I am not." Sakura spoke softly. The words were hard for him to say.

"Nani?!"

"I told you already, last night. I... I am not gonna come back like this... as if nothing had happened... I don’t want us to have the kind of relationship where we meet now and then, we have sex and then we say bye for some time. You mean a lot to me... We will remain friends, I hope."

"Oh! Please!!" Hyde pleaded. "You can’t say that after last night!"

"We both have a new life ahead of us now, Haido. We’ve shared wonderful moments together. I will never forget that. But now, just now, we’ve been given the chance to start a new life. Listen to sound advice: Get yourself a girlfriend... Be happy. Grow up."

"What do you mean, you stupid bastard!!?? You keep using me? You think I have no feelings? Wait... I just know... You don’t care about my feelings! You still use me!" Hyde began laughing hysterically and at the same time crying, furious, hitting the table with his clenched fists, he couldn’t help tears streaming out of his eyes, his state of mind was a complete wreck, and he couldn’t control himself any more.

"I’m giving it my best, I’m giving you everything, why do you have to rebuff me!!??" He went on screaming. "What else do you want?!"

"Haido... stop it. It’s painful for me too..."

"It certainly does look easy for you!!!"

"It is not. I’ll be watching you. I promise. I always will..."

"I don’t give a shit if you watch or not! I want you here with me!!"

Sakura smirked obliging. "I’ll watch over you, Haido... I’ll be your guardian angel... more like an angel from hell... but... you know... I’ll always watch you...and--"

"Shut up, you idiot!! You ain’t no angel, bastard!! You are just a son of a bitch!!! You cannot leave me!! I won’t let you do that!!" Hyde was hysterical. He ran to the door and locked it.

"You are not getting out of here..." Hyde said with a sick and malicious look in his eyes, resting his body against the door. His voice was deep, tinged of lunacy and despair.

"Haido... cut it out. This is stupid. You know it’s over. It’s been over for a long time now... even before we realized..."

"Urusai!!" Hyde screamed with all his might, panting and shaking against the door.

"I can force you away from the door." Sakura tried to make Hyde reason.

"No, you can’t. I’m not as weak as you think."

"Probably you are not as strong as YOU think." Sakura replied calmly. "Please, Haido... Don’t make it more difficult than it already is..."

"I won’t let you out! I’ll never let you out!" Hyde screamed fiercely.

"Haido, you are being irrational."

"Yeah, so what?"

"This is not love, Haido. This is an obsession. Something like a debt you think you have to pay, but not love. You think you are in love with me, but you are fooling yourself... we can’t live our lives based on a lie."

"Shut up!! What lie?! I love you, and it is the truth!!"

"No, Haido... You just feel lonely. You stopped loving me long ago. When you started fearing me..."

"When did you become a fucking shrink, you moron?!"

"Haido, please, try to be rational... I know it’s hard..."

"I’m not gonna lose you again!!! You don’t have the faintest idea what it’s been like without you!!!"

"Yes I do. I’ve been without you too. I also missed you. It hurt a lot."

"No, you didn’t miss me!! You had your lover to ease your pain, you forgot about me easily!!"

"No, I don’t have any lovers."

"You are lying, baka!!"

"No, I’m not. I was last night when I said someone was waiting for me, but now I’m telling you the truth."

"You only want to talk me into letting you out!! But I won’t!! You think you are so damned smart, ne? You think you are so fucking clever and I’m so fucking stupid!!"

"Haido, please, you are going insane!"

"Yell! Insult me! Beg! I won’t let you out!" Hyde screamed out like a mad man, his frail body against the door trembling in fury, his distorted red face stained with tears. "You are mine!! You are mine alone!!"

"Let go, Haido." Sakura got up and walked towards him.

"No. Stand back! Go back to your seat!!"

"Haido... please, let me out. We’ll talk on the phone, OK? You’ll see it’s the best--" Sakura tried to grab Hyde by the shoulders, but Hyde delivered him a fast punch straight to his jaw that caused Sakura to stumble and fall to the floor.

"I told you I’m not that weak..." Hyde hissed between teeth looking at Sakura on the floor with an evil grin. "And you are not leaving..."

"Haido... you need help..."

"No. I don’t. I only need you. So, you are staying here. I’m not the submissive boy anymore. Now I am in command and you will stay here as I order!!"

Sakura suddenly moved his right foot, entangled it with Hyde’s and caused him to fall, then the drummer stood up and tried to reach the door in despair, but Hyde clung to his leg and tugging from it, he caused Sakura to fall to the floor again.

"Haido I will hit you! Let me go!!"

"Try it!"

"I will certainly hit you and I will hurt you!"

"I don’t care! I told you I can bear it all for you!! You are mine!!" Hyde screamed crying and holding on to Sakura.

Sakura grabbed Hyde by the shoulders and pushed him away. Hyde ran back to him and jumped on his back, securing an arm around Sakura’s neck and pulling tight. He forced his knee on the drummer’s back, pressing on his kidneys, and causing Sakura to gasp in pain.

"Get away from the fucking door..." Hyde growled.

Sakura bent gasping for air.

"I’d rather kill you than let you go... Got that?!" Hyde yelled insanely.

"Stop it Haido...." Sakura forced himself to speak, barely able to breath. "... Your neighbors... will call the cops..."

"I don’t give a damn!"

"Think of Tetsu... and Ken..." Sakura pleaded. "There has already been enough trouble for the band..." Suddenly he felt Hyde’s grip slightly loosening. He took advantage of this to take Hyde by surprise and lifting him in a fast movement he hurled the small man against the wall. Hyde hit the cold surface dryly and fainted from the blow, his body dropping limply to the floor.

Sakura opened the door gasping, and looked back at Hyde lying on the ground unconscious. He walked over to the phone and rapidly dialed Tetsu’s phone number.

He was desperate. His fingers shook and his mind became clouded by fear and anxiety. He had to leave. This was his chance.

The chance to break the chains and fly free. The chance to start over. Yet, he couldn’t leave Hyde like that... Because he loved him, and parting with him was already too painful.

Because he would always feel guilty for the past. He waited for the voice to answer on the other side of the phone, resting his head against the wall before him.

After a few rings Tetsu’s answering machine went off.

"This jerk!" Sakura wailed. "Such a crappy moment to leave the answering machine on." He protested banging his fist desperately on the wall.

"Come to Haido’s place now!" Sakura gasped after the long beep, and put the mouthpiece back in its cradle.

He turned and looked at Hyde with fear.

The smaller man was still unconscious. That was good and bad at the same time. He felt the urgent, silent request to help him raising inside him... but he couldn’t give up on his newly acquired freedom.

"Tetsu will come..." He mumbled to an unhearing Hyde. "He will come very soon, koneko-chan... very soon..."

"What?" Tetsu asked himself in surprise. He was at his dining room working on one of his model kits and overheard the message. It was Sakura, but he had already hung up. Tetsu got a sudden chill running down his spine, and hurried to grab his coat and hat. He left for Hyde’s apartment in a storm. Emotional was dictating his moves. And Rational had nothing to say now.

Sakura rushed out of Hyde’s apartment stumbling, and left the door ajar. He knew Tetsu would jet into the vocalist’s house the moment he heard the message. He only hoped he wouldn’t take long to check his answering machine.

He reached the elevator gasping and pressed the down button insistently, looking back again and again. Fearing Hyde would wake up and follow him into the corridor.

The elevator doors swept open with their usual muffled sound, and Sakura rushed inside pressing the ground floor button maniacally.

As the red LED’s started blinking their countdown to ground floor, he dropped himself down. He was confused, disoriented... he watched his shaking hands and gasped, crying.

"Haido... I’m free... I’m free... And you are free too... you too..."

His letter remained on the desk. The draft coming inside the apartment through the open door made it wave under the scarce weight of the pen on top of it. It was the last goodbye to his former lover.

"Forgive me, pretty one..." Sakura mumbled rushing out of the building and trying to hold the tingling sensation of tears behind his eyes. "In time... you will understand..."