.::.Arachnoid Web.::.First Blood

Chapter 1:

I love myself, I want you to love me.

The short, thin man in big hair put his bass guitar away, and sat on a bench near the fading colored hard plastic table. It was way too cold, even having the central heating on he was shuddering and feeling his fingers go uncomfortably numb. He rubbed his hands, and blew warm breath on them, wishing to make them heat up. Days like this, he missed home.

The rest of the guys that were part of his rock and roll band were scattered around bitching about the cold. It was funny sometimes to watch them act like kids... he always had the feeling he had to be the adult in the group. And thus, while the kids had fun, he had to focus on the matters that required full attention and responsibility, the boring part of being in a music band, the ones that didn’t require playing and instrument and expressing yourself and your feelings through the songs; the less artistic ones. The scarcely lit room was filled with smoke and the rancid smell of cheap comestibles. He pushed the crumbled wrappings of hamburgers and ramen, empty cans of soda and food leftovers aside and lulled by the even echo of his fellows’ voices he decided to focus on the two things that required his full attention on that day. Slowly he took out his agenda... rather a slim notebook where he would jot down whatever was important to him. The neat, faded orange colored sheets of paper contrasted against the mess on the table. He browsed through them playing with an automatic pencil, until he found the last written page and immediately drove his eyes away from it, as if he feared the words he had written. He looked up behind his thick glasses, that covered a great part of his delicately chiseled face to give his band mates a sweet smile, the smile that would reassure them that no matter how cold it got they would pull through. Then he went back to reading the words he had already read a thousand times before. First, work: He had to meet the man that had agreed to become their drummer. The sudden departure of Pero, their former drummer, had proved to be a drawback to their attempt for success. Then, pleasure... or rather torture: He had to come to terms with his feelings and confess his love to the object of his affection: Hide-chan, the small-framed guy that was singing in his band. These were the words he feared to read.

He couldn’t believe he had fallen for a guy. He had fought against it with all his might, but after many months, he had realized it was useless... he couldn’t fight against his heart. Even if this particular guy looked a lot like a girl, he was still male... just like him. What’s more, Hideto would pass for a girl if he didn’t speak every now and then letting everyone hear his deep masculine voice. Ever since the first time he had seen him, he had been shocked by his impressive looks.

Hideto was the embodiment of delicate beauty. And if there was something he had always admired, that was beauty.

In the beginning he had observed him silently, watching him move and speak, but after a year he had developed a sort of obsession around him, which only lately he had realized was the expression of his love and desire for him. Hideto had reacted towards him more than friendly, and often said he was like a big brother to him. This was sweet... and discouraging sometimes.

He had wondered many times if he would have fallen for him so hard had Hide- chan been a little more masculine both in his looks and in his manners. But right now, he could only feel his heart race every time the petit vocalist approached him in his usual enchanting way.

He saw Hyde, the nickname Hide-chan was using recently, lying on a carpet, playing with a furry stuffed animal someone had given him, making it talk and talking back. The small vocalist shifted a strand of brown hair from his forehead and turned his head to look at Tetsu, the bassist.

“Ne... Tet-chan... I got my first present from a fan! You like it?” Hyde asked smiling like a child. His thin and frail body lying casually on the dirty studio carpet. The mousy gray sweater he was wearing let guess the delicate shape of his body under it.

“Un. Very pretty Haido.” Tetsu answered rapidly. He felt he could melt under the spell of Hyde’s smile.

“Hehehe... and you didn’t get any!” Hyde laughed mischievously at them, pointing playfully at each of his band mates and pouting.

“You keep the presents, I’ll keep the groupies...” Ken commented amused while focusing on changing a worn string of his guitar.

“Hahaha! I’ll keep the groupies too!” Hyde answered back at Ken and tucked out his tongue, then he continued playing with his stuffed present, making it walk on his stomach and climb up his folded legs, mildly separated, like two small, bony mountains.

“With your looks, you will only get guy-groupies.” Ken laughed at Hyde.

“What do you mean? We are a visual rock band!” Hyde protested. Tetsu didn’t add anything to the conversation. He was hypnotized by the simple game Hyde was playing, making his plush pet walk around over his body.

“Yeah, but you can tell we are guys... however you...” Ken started laughing heartily, and shook Tetsu awake from his daydream with his contagious laughter.

“Shut up, baka!” Hyde retorted and went back to playing with his present, making it jump from one of his folded legs to the other, his back still on the floor, his lips pursed again.

“Uh... well, sorry to interrupt your important conversation...” Tetsu started ironically, and then he got serious. “I have something to tell you, so sit, or stand up, and listen to me.”

“Yes, fearless leader!” Ken and Hyde answered and stood up immediately mocking a respectful pose.

“Gee... you are so immature... both...” Tetsu said shaking his head and trying to get his eyes off Hyde. “Pero left, and this guy I’ve been trying to get said he might be our drummer. His name is Yasunori Sakura.”

“OK.” Ken answered staring at Tetsu. Hyde nodded and made his plush toy nod by holding it with one hand and pressing its head down with one finger. Ken elbowed him and chuckled.

“We will stay here in Tokyo.” Tetsu added rolling his eyes at the scene.

“What?!” Hyde yelled annoyed.

“Yes, it’s the best.” Tetsu replied in a soothing voice.

“I don’t like it here! Too crowded! And earthquakes! And everything is expensive!” Hyde protested.

“It’s the best for the band, Hideto-kun. In time you will see we’ll have to give up many things for the sake of the band... and eventually we will gain others.”

“I’ll miss my home...” Hyde cut in, in a disappointed voice.

“Mama’s boy...” Ken snapped, and Hyde hurled the stuffed animal he had in his hands at him.

“Listen, Haido. It’s a sacrifice we have to pay, we will all miss our families...” Tetsu tried to comfort him.

“OK. OK. OK. I know you are right.” Hyde sighed.

“Yasunori Sakura-san will come to this studio tomorrow, please everyone be here in time. I especially mean you, Haido.”

“Funny how he is always late even if we all live in the same place.” Ken snapped and Hyde glared at him.

“It’s because I can’t sleep since you keep your pet cats around!”

“I’m trying to cure you of your cat allergy and that’s how you pay me!?”

“I told you it won’t work!!” Hyde protested fiercely.

“It will, just be patient. Eventually you will find you can be around cats without getting that spooky face and runny nose you usually get.”

“It is not that way!! Baka!!”

“It is, just you wait.” Ken replied and put his guitar in its case.

The three men walked out of the studio towards the apartment they had rented. They had wished to get more money and rent individual apartments, but that was not the case. Ken was always sore about the fact that he didn’t have any privacy to run his multiple love affairs, and Hyde was always complaining about Ken’s cats. But the truth was they had got barely enough money from the company to buy the car they so desperately needed to move around the Kanto area for their concerts and supplies for the band. Living together had proven to be a trial by fire for the band... Pero, their former drummer, had already failed it, but the rest were doing pretty well.

The way home was already familiar to them. They did this practice routine every day, and then walked back home, not being able to afford wasting gas going to the studio by car. Hyde was humming as he walked behind Ken and Tetsu, anxiously looking at everything around him and rubbing his hands. It was freezing. He sunk his nose in the black scarf around his neck and tried to jump a little as he walked in order to give his body a little warmth against the piercing winter cold. At a moment, seeing his fellow band mates so concentrated discussing music he was tempted to make a ball of snow and throw it at them, but he knew Tetsu would scold him. Tetsu was indeed like a big brother to him, and that allowed him to behave a little childish sometimes.

Suddenly a sweet, insistent aroma interrupted his thoughts; and he focused on a bakery across the street that emanated a warm smell of fresh homemade bread.

“Ahhh!!! Let’s go there!!” Hyde urged tugging from Tetsu’s coat like a child.

“Where?” Tetsu asked startled.

“Food! Food!” Hyde repeated, pointing in the bakery’s direction. His mouth watering at the mere thought of fresh home made bread.

“Where do you keep the food, Haido?” Ken asked amused grabbed him with an arm around his neck.

“In my balls, asshole. Let’s go eat!” Hyde urged.

“You, bottomless pit!” Ken laughed.

“Whatever. Just shut up and let’s go!” Hyde kept tugging from Tetsu’s coat, pleading with his eyes.

“You have money, Haido?” Tetsu asked softly.

Hyde lowered his sight, and released Tetsu’s coat.

“...Barely...” He answered in a low voice.

“We spent most of our money on the rent and the stuff for the band, Haido, we can’t indulge in this...” Tetsu replied patting Hyde’s back.

“Dakara... I’m hungry...” Hyde replied in a sad tone.

“You always are.” Ken answered and wrapping his arm around the smaller man’s neck he dragged him their way to the apartment.

“I’m so hungry I can even munch on Ken!” Hyde protested.

Ken took his arm away rapidly.

“Oe! Oe! Mind what you do, or I’ll kick your ass!” Ken scolded him.

“Hehehehe... Can I have a cigarette, Kennie?” Hyde smiled sweetly at him and asked.

“Sure.” Ken said and kept walking.

“So...?” Hyde urged him after a few seconds, expecting his friend to give him a cigarette.

“What...?”

“Give me one!”

“I only have one left, and I’m smoking it.”

“Oh, please! You said I could have one!”

“Of course you can! You are a grown up man, I can’t forbid you to smoke!”

Hyde glared at Ken, and suddenly he saw Tetsu’s hand holding a 1000-yen bill before his eyes.

“Buy anything you want, just stop being such babies...” Tetsu sighed overly annoyed.

“Waaa!!! Thank you Tet-chan!” Hyde jumped on Tetsu’s back hugging and squeezing him... and taking the 1000-yen bill. “You are the best bassist in the whole world, and the best band leader too!” Hyde smiled, and ran towards a tobacconist’s.

“That sure sounded so sincere, Haido...” Ken commented ironically and walked behind him.

Tetsu sighed. Hyde was so gorgeous when he was happy and hyper, Tetsu didn’t mind giving him the last money he had in his pocket. He felt like holding him in his arms and kissing his beautiful face until his lips got numb. But he didn’t have the guts to tell him. He was doomed to watching him from afar... wanting him... and not having him.

“Tonight. Tonight I will tell him. No matter what he answers. Tonight I will tell him how I feel.”

Tetsu kept walking, he knew they would catch up with him in a few minutes. Sometimes he felt the crushing burden of being the only adult in the band... even if both Ken and Hyde were actually older than him.

Pretty soon, he heard Hyde’s footsteps, running towards him. Ken was walking behind Hyde.

“Here!” Hyde pushed a cigarette between Tetsu’s lips before Tetsu could even react. Then Hyde took a lighter out of his pocket and smiling volunteered to light up his friend’s cigarette. Tetsu took the cigarette off his mouth and gave it back to Hyde.

“Have you ever seen me smoking, Haido?” Tetsu asked still walking. Hyde was in front of him walking backwards and staring into Tetsu’s eyes.

“Huh? I don’t remember... now that you mention it... I think not.” Hyde said still walking backwards in front of Tetsu.

“Because I don’t smoke. And you shouldn’t either, it’s bad for your voice.” Tetsu mildly reprimanded him.

“Ah. I’m sorry, Tet-chan. I didn’t mean to annoy you.” Hyde was surprised.

“I know you didn’t...” Tetsu’s sentence was cut when Hyde, who kept walking backwards a few centimeters in front of him, tripped on the uneven sidewalk and almost fell. Tetsu immediately caught him by an arm, and almost bumped into him.

“I’m sorry!” Hyde exclaimed, re-gaining balance and blushing as he realized how stupid he was looking. And looking stupid was something Hyde loathed.

“It’s OK.” Tetsu replied helping him, and hiding his own blushing face. He would have hugged him tightly right that minute... had he had the guts to do so.

Ken caught up with them and watched the scene smoking his cigarette. He suspected Tetsu, his old time chum, had a crush on the cute small vocalist. And every single day, he was more certain about it.

“Haido-kun, Tetsu-kun... daijobu?” Ken asked.

“Un. Un.” Hyde replied, and put the spare cigarette inside the box again, keeping his eyes down and walking between them.

“Here’s the change, fearless leader.” Ken handed Tetsu the coins.

“Thanks.”

Ken had been friends with Tetsu for the longest time. He knew him quite well, and often joked about dating Tetsu’s younger sisters, which made Tetsu jealous and mad at him. They used to tell the funniest stories about old times, when they were just kids in Osaka. When Tetsu had asked him to join his band, in place of Hiro, the former guitarist that had left them, Ken had gladly given up his promising college career to follow his friend... which had given him more than a fight with his family.

Ken was a relaxed young man. He liked joking and had a sparkling sense of humor, sometimes even inclined towards the kinky side. He was always dating someone, fighting with someone, making peace with someone... He seemed to be the type to be always surrounded by girls.

When he started suspecting Tetsu had a crush on Hideto, he felt mad at the thought. He had even considered himself to be a bad friend for thinking like that, but in time, he got used to the idea of considering that his good friend might be liking something he had never been interested in before.

“I didn’t remember you don’t smoke, Tet-chan...” Hyde started trying to apologize. “I should have bought you a chocolate...”

“It’s OK, Haido.” Tetsu tried to soothe him.

“Can I go back and buy you a chocolate?” Hyde asked eagerly.

“No, we must save our money.” Tetsu replied raising his eyes and looking at the traffic lights.

“I feel guilty...” Hyde said smoking and staring at his feet as he stood beside Tetsu.

“Don’t.” Tetsu said patting on Hyde’s back. To be honest, he was starving too.

“You wanna hear something funny we did with Ken back at the tobacconist’s?” Hyde said as they began crossing the street.

“OK. Tell me.” Tetsu smiled a sweetly at Hyde.

“Well, Ken entered the shop and I walked behind him. The sales lady said ‘irasshaimase’ and asked him what he wanted to buy, so he said two packs of cigarettes and blah, blah... Then the sales lady handed them to him and as she was looking for the change she asked if I was his ‘girlfriend’!!!” Hyde laughed.

“Oh! What did you two say?” Tetsu answered partly amused and partly jealous. He sounded like a parent talking to his children.

“I was startled, and Ken said ‘yeah’ and grabbed me by the waist, so I went on with the joke, said nothing and smiled. And the sales lady congratulated him for having such a cute ‘girlfriend’!!” Hyde couldn’t stop laughing.

“You two are such baka!” Tetsu smiled at them.

“Yeah, and then when we were leaving Hyde said ‘thank you. Goodbye’ in his deepest voice. Everyone was shocked.” Ken finished the story.

Tetsu laughed loudly. “You are definitely two baka!! I bet you enjoyed the compliment, na, Haido?”

“Yeah.” Hyde chuckled smoking. “It was fun.”

“You’ll become gay.” Ken replied inhaling the last part of his cigarette and tossing the end away.

“Nuh... I won’t. Guys aren’t very sensitive. Look at you. You’d stink as a boyfriend.”

“Wanna give it a try, Haido? You might change your mind...” Ken joked and watched Tetsu from the corner of his eye.

Hyde chuckled again. “I’ll let you know if I want to.” He replied tucking his tongue out at him.

Tetsu was flaring. “Stop it, already.”

“Uh... the fearless leader is jealous!” Ken snapped. Now he was almost sure Tetsu had a crush on Hyde.

“Tetsu must have a crush on Ken...” Hyde thought and smirked to himself. “Of course... they have been friends for such a long time... They are probably more than friends... how funny.” Hyde stared at both of them smirking. “I won’t rob you of Ken, Tet-chan!” Hyde wrapped his arm around Tetsu’s waist and rubbed his head against the bassist’s arm, causing Tetsu to blush intensely, the heat on his cheeks would have been able to melt the snow.

“He likes you! Baka!” Ken replied pointing at Hyde and arranging the guitar case strap on his shoulder.

“Aaahhh Tet-chan likes me?” Hyde went on with what he thought was a joke and smiled one of his irresistible smiles at Tetsu, while still holding his arm. Tetsu sighed and kept walking, both his hands making fists inside his thick coat pockets.

“Tet-chan would make a good boyfriend, cuz he gives me money for my cigarettes!” Hyde tucked out his tongue at Ken again, leaning his head forwards so that Ken could see him.

“You are so selfish, Haido.” Ken snapped grinning. “Poor Tetsu-kun...”

“Say something, Tet-chan.” Hyde urged him smiling.

“Baka.” Tetsu answered and kept walking, trying to look as if he wasn’t paying attention to them.

They arrived into their apartment. Both Ken and Tetsu rested their instruments on the floor and looked at Hyde.

“What? What did I do this time?” Hyde said puzzled.

“Keys...” They both asked staring at Hyde.

“Oww! I forgot them at the studio! Dammit!” Hyde cursed himself.

“I’ve the last spare set.” Tetsu glared at Hyde. “You have to be more responsible!”

“I’m sorry Tet-chan!” Hyde apologized while biting his thumbnail.

Tetsu fumbled in his bag for a moment, until his cold fingers reached the keys, the tough metal causing the roughened skin to itch.

“I’m so, so, so, so very sorry!!!!” Hyde kept apologizing as the three men entered the apartment. “Gomen! Gomen! Gomen!”

“OK. Just shut up.” Tetsu answered leaving his bass guitar against a wall.

“Please, forgive me, boyfriend!” Hyde said pouting playfully.

Tetsu stared at him. He was totally hurt by the turn things were taking. He felt both Ken and Hyde were making fun of him.

“Cut it off! I’m not your boyfriend! I would never date someone that smokes like crazy, forgets the keys, likes me because I lend him money, and to top it all, has no boobs and a bulk between his legs!” Tetsu yelled, angry. Lying to him guiltily.

Hyde mocked a sorrowful face. “Meanie!” He replied. “You’ve broken my heart.” He added and pouted looking at him. Something was definitely wrong... Tetsu was not the type to react like that.

“Cook something, Haido...” Ken urged looking at them from afar, unnoticed. He knew Tetsu was not likely to yell like that... and this fact added to the long list he had been making inside his head, increasing... and almost confirming his suspicions about Tetsu’s crush.

“Yeah, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Hyde grinned and winked at Ken.

“Whatever.” Tetsu replied, visibly annoyed. He walked into the other room and started to change his clothes. Ken followed him.

“What?!” Tetsu was very upset.

“I won’t tell him. You do like him, don’t you?” Ken asked bluntly.

“What the hell do you mean?!” Tetsu answered nervously.

“Like... butterflies in your stomach when you think of him...” Ken said in what he thought was polite.

“Cut the crap, already.” Tetsu snarled and sat on his futon, the only one carefully arranged.

“I’ve noticed for some time that you get flustered and kinda horny around him.” Ken said and chuckled. “It’s disgusting, but since you are my friend I will help you if you want me to...”

“You are insane!” Tetsu said looking away.

“Listen. I don’t think he minds... He looks gay indeed.”

“Shut up!”

“I think he likes you...” Ken lied. He didn’t have a clue about Hyde’s feelings.

Tetsu looked up at Ken shocked. “He doesn’t.” Tetsu replied after a few seconds. “Haido only loves Haido.”

“True. But there might be a little room in his heart for someone else...”

“Listen, Ken... I don’t date guys. He is pretty, yes, but he is a guy... You’ve seen him naked and you know I’m not lying.”

“Yeah, hey... what’s with him changing his clothes in front of everyone?”

“He likes to flash everyone because he is so conceited.” Tetsu shrugged while taking off his socks.

“He used to be shier.” Ken commented casually.

“Yeah. But coming to think of it, you do the same.”

“Uh... yeah, I don’t mind anymore.” Ken answered casually. “Maybe I should start minding?” He asked wickedly.

Hyde walked into the room and sat between Ken and Tetsu.

“What do you wanna eat, guys?” He asked softly, in a sweet voice.

“Anything you do will be fine, Haido.” Tetsu replied.

Hyde smiled at him.

“I would like to cook something special for you, Tet-chan... since you lent me money for the cigarettes...” Hyde said calmly. He had been brooding over Tetsu’s earlier words, and a deadly fear rose in his heart... Maybe Tetsu didn’t stand him... and would throw him out of the band.

“Anything will be fine, thanks Haido.” Tetsu answered distractedly and tied up his hair in a loose ponytail.

“There isn’t much in the cupboards, or the refrigerator... but I think I can cook something yummy...” Hyde said leaning forwards to make himself quite a clear shot in front of Tetsu.

“I bet you can, little one.” Tetsu patted Hyde’s head without looking at him while he moved to stash his socks onto the growing pile of dirty clothes.

Hyde took Tetsu’s laundry in his hands, which caused Ken and Tetsu to look at him puzzled.

“Take off your boxers, Tet-chan.” Hyde ordered.

“Oe! Oe! I knew it! I think I’d rather leave you two alone!” Ken exclaimed and moved towards the door.

“I’ll wash your clothes...” Hyde said and glared at Ken.

“You... you don’t have to, Haido...” Tetsu stared at him in mild shock.

“I will. Just give them to me, OK?” Hyde pulled from Tetsu’s boxers and Tetsu reluctantly took them off, blushing in embarrassment.

“Now you, Ken-chan.” Hyde looked up at Ken.

“No way.”

“Please.” Hyde pleaded tilting his head to the right and pursing his lips.

“NO!”

“You two have a poor image of me... please let me do something for you...”

“Go cook if you want to do something!” Ken urged him.

Hyde looked down at the floor.

“I’m sorry...” Hyde said in a low voice. “I like you a lot, guys, you are like brothers to me...” He said softly, then he walked out of the room taking Tetsu’s dirty clothes with him.

“He looks sad.” Tetsu commented worried to Ken while he put on a loose shirt.

“It will wear off by dinner time.” Ken snapped and walked out of the room. He was still sure Tetsu was in love with Hyde. And he was afraid this would be a problem sooner or later. Tetsu got up and entered the bathroom without saying a word. He needed a quick shower.

Hyde prepared dinner in silence. He didn’t even turn on the radio. And once dinner was on its way, he went to the bathroom and filled the lavatory with water, Tetsu’s clothes in his hands. Tetsu had left the shower a few minutes ago and was drying his hair in the dining room.

“Hey! Can’t you knock on the door?!” Ken protested while sitting on the toilet.

“Shit all that you want, I won’t bother you.” Hyde snapped and put the clothes inside the warm mass of water.

“I can’t shit if you are here playing with the lavatory!” Ken howled angrily.

“Sorry to cut your shitting session, I have to wash clothes.” Hyde snapped again, a bar of soap in his right hand.

“I’ll shit so much you won’t be able to breath!!” Ken protested screaming annoyed.

“Fine. Do so!” Hyde turned and glared at Ken.

“Are you a masochist or what?”

“I have to wash the clothes.” Hyde replied coldly.

“Get out of the bathroom while I shit!!” Ken screamed on top of his lungs.

“I have to wash the clothes!!” Hyde insisted yelling hoarsely.

Tetsu entered the bathroom and looked at them both shaking his head in disbelief.

“What is this?! A band meeting while I shit?! You perverted shit lovers!!” Ken protested madly. Tetsu took a deep breath and dragged Hyde by an arm outside the bathroom.

“Dame yo, Tet-chan!” Hyde protested, the bar of soap still in his hand.

“Let the guy shit in peace...” Tetsu said closing the door and releasing Hyde’s arm. Then he walked towards the couch where he had been sitting and drying his hair a few moments ago.

Hyde waited outside the door.

“Ne... Ken-chan... don’t forget to flush!” Hyde yelled partly amused and partly irritated from the other side of the door.

“Shut up! Pervert!”

“And hurry up!” Hyde added.

“I won’t hurry because you want to suck up to the fearless leader!”

“Suck my dick, Ken!” Hyde answered annoyed.

“In a while, Hide-chan... But have a shower first.” Ken answered ironically.

“The food, Haido...” Tetsu reminded Hyde, trying to stop the disgusting conversation.

“Oh, yeah. Coming.” Hyde answered and walked towards the kitchen, repeatedly throwing the bar of soap up in the air and catching it back as it fell.

“This Sakura guy will run out of this place in five minutes if they keep behaving like that...” Tetsu thought and shook his head concerned.

Five minutes later, Ken walked out of the bathroom and stormed into the kitchen, he took Hyde by the shoulders and shook him.

“What the hell is the matter with you!?” Ken said violently to Hyde.

“Stop it!” Hyde protested angrily.

“Can’t I have any privacy?!”

“Yeah, you selfish, stupid moron!”

“Look who’s talking!!! And why the fucking hell did you get into the bathroom?!”

“Tet-chan... is mad at me!” Hyde answered in a discomposed face.

“He’s not... and why would it bother you so much?”

“Because he’s a nice guy, and I don’t want him to be mad at me!” Hyde replied.

“Why? You’re not the type to be worried about hurting others.”

“Yeah, I am! And besides, he might want me out of the band!”

“Ahh! That’s the whole reason! You are so selfish!” Ken exclaimed throwing his arms into the air.

“I love being in the band!” Hyde retorted.

“So, if basically he asks you to suck his dick to stay in the band you will do it?”

“Yeah.”

“Hontou??” Ken asked opening his eyes wide.

“I dunno. But I don’t want him to be mad at me. He’s a nice person, he’s sweet and he’s always taking care of us, like a big brother. I feel safe with him. I don’t want him to be mad! Why can’t you understand?”

“Say... Haido... Ever thought you might fall for a guy?”

“Certainly not for you, baka!”

“How about Tetsu?”

“I think I like girls, thanks.” Hyde snapped, pouring the food in a dish.

“OK. Just think about it.”

“Hmph...” Hyde protested. “Tetsu likes girls. He has a girlfriend, doesn’t he?” Hyde retorted sarcastically while adding condiment to the food.

“They split a month ago.” Ken snapped.

“Ah. Well, sorry to hear that. But he likes girls, and I also like girls. So... there’s no point in having this conversation. Go to the dining room, I’ll bring the food.”

“Wakatta.” Ken said smirking.

“Uh, Ken-chan... bring the wine along.”

“Un.”

The three men had supper in silence. Hyde cleared up the table and Tetsu volunteered to wash the dishes, but Hyde refused and did it himself. Both Ken and Tetsu stayed in the bigger room playing their instruments and tuning into new songs. They were still short of numbers for their upcoming first album.

Hyde walked out of the kitchen smoking, and without saying a word he entered the bathroom.

He took off his clothes and turned on the shower. The bathroom was really dark and small. He took Tetsu’s clothes with him and began to wash them while the warm water fell upon him.

“I’ll get you to like me, Tet-chan...” He repeated to himself, biting his lower lip in anger under the shower. “You can’t kick me out of the band... I’ll do everything for you, but just let me stay...”

“Where did he get that crazy idea?!” Tetsu asked Ken rather upset.

“I don’t know... I guess he heard your bitter comments about him smoking a lot and being selfish and he assumes you don’t like him...”

“Poor thing...” Tetsu twitched his mouth staring into the bathroom direction in concern.

“Why poor thing? He’s still being selfish!”

“Don’t you see? He’s really into the band... I’m glad he’s so serious about it...”

“Tet-chan... You are head over heels for him...” Ken said rolling his eyes and throwing his arms into the air.

“Shut up! Don’t be an idiot!”

“You can’t hide it! It’s so evident! You only have eyes for him!”

“It’s not so!”

“It is... listen. I’m not judging you... I think I prefer girls, but do as you please. This is your chance, I’m gonna help you. I’ll leave you two alone in the house tonight. Tell him. The state he’s in, he won’t say no. Eventually, I’ll leave you two alone when you are... in the need...”

“I’m not in love with him, Ken!!! Stop suggesting such stuff!” Tetsu protested blushing the deepest red.

“You are... and let me tell you something, Tet-chan... Hurry. Because if we really get famous, he’ll have thousands craving for him. Grab him before someone else does. They say you gotta try something different now and then... even if I, myself, wouldn’t do it not even at gunpoint.”

Tetsu stood up unable to control the embarrassment and blushing. His cheeks were burning and he could feel the sweat drops falling on his temples. Ken was absolutely right. Yet he couldn’t get himself to tell him or Hyde the truth.

Ken walked over to the bathroom and opened the door, which surprised Tetsu standing on the other corner of the room.

“Hey! You! Baka!” Ken screamed inside the bathroom.

“What?!” Hyde replied annoyed.

“I’m going to see a girl. Don’t do anything hentai to Tet-chan! Forget what you said about sucking his dick!”

“I won’t! Baka! Go have fun and leave me alone!”

“What?! You are using Tet-chan’s clothes as a prop to jerk off?!” Ken joked aloud so that Tetsu could hear him.

“Noo!! Moron!! I’m washing his clothes!!” Hyde answered yelling angrily.

“Oohhh I bet the fearless leader will kiss you for that!”

“You kiss my ass!”

Ken walked defiantly towards Hyde who was standing under the shower, and Hyde retreated, scared pressing his back against the wall.

“Don’t come any closer! I know Kung Fu!”

“You said I kiss your ass...” Ken joked amused and shrugged.

“Fuck off!!!!” Hyde wailed irritated.

“Tet-chan, don’t make a move on him, he’s so hysterical!”

“Don’t worry. No chances I will.” Tetsu snapped visibly angry from the other side of the room, as Ken walked out of the bathroom, grabbed his coat, keys and wallet and left.

A few minutes later Hyde walked out of the bathroom. A large, colorful towel wrapped around his waist, his hair dripping. His small feet moving fast towards the balcony. He was shaking in the cold winter weather, but he said nothing to Tetsu, who was sitting in front of the TV watching anime.

The rope was too high for Hyde to reach it, so he grabbed a little stool and stood on it, then he proceeded to hang Tetsu’s clothes and his own. Once he was finished, he entered the room again shaking in cold and rubbing his arms to get warmer.

“Haido...” Tetsu called in a sweet voice.

“Hai?”

“Come here watch anime with me.” Tetsu asked him. He wanted to prove Hyde he was not mad at him.

“In a minute.” Hyde answered shuddering and teetering.

“It’s Gundam. You have to watch this, I think you’ll like it.”

“OK. Just hold on.” Hyde said as he stood in front of the heater. His nose was dripping from the cold. Then he walked towards the sofa, unwrapped the towel from his waist and proceeded to dry his hair with it while he sat beside Tetsu, rubbing wet, brown locks with the soft material.

“What’s it about?” Hyde asked casually.

Tetsu shifted his eyes briefly towards Hyde and then rapidly looked away. “Oh, man... get dressed...” He answered.

“Oh, I will, just wanted to see what it was about.” Hyde wanted to obey Tetsu and show him he was a good person.

Tetsu explained focusing on the TV screen while trying to keep his eyes off Hyde; and Hyde nodded shifting his attention from Tetsu to the TV.

“Tet-chan...”

“Ha-hai?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“What is it, Haido?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Please be honest...”

“I’m not Haido.”

“I know you are.”

“But I’m not!”

“Listen... I’m sorry I forgot the keys at the studio. I know you especially asked me not to forget. I’m sorry I used your money for cigarettes... I’m sorry I’m so selfish lately...”

“It’s OK, Haido. Just sit and watch.” Tetsu tried to calm Hyde down, but he was beginning to get nervous himself.

“I can wash your clothes every day if you want me to... as an apology...”

“You don’t need to.”

“But I want to do something for you! I don’t want you to be mad at me!”

“I’m not mad at you!!” Tetsu shouted nervously.

“... gomen...” Hyde lowered his eyes. “I upset you, don’t I?”

“Ohhh, Haido!! What’s the matter with you?!” Tetsu was shuddering.

“Ask me anything, I’ll do it.” Hyde was about to cry. “Just... just don’t kick me out of the band... please!”

“Ken said that to you?”

Hyde sobbed on the sofa and curled his legs close to his chest. “So, it’s true... you will kick me out... You already discussed it with Ken-kun!”

Tetsu wrapped his left arm around Hyde. “I’m not doing such a thing, Haido. Ken must have been joking. Don’t be silly.”

“If you are, just tell me right away...” Hyde said, his lips brushing his knees.

“I am not.” Tetsu blushed and got the guts to kiss Hyde’s head.

Hyde wrapped his arms around Tetsu and cried on his shoulder.

“I will do everything you say, Tet-chan. Just don’t kick me out... Even if I’m hungry, cold and sad... and I can’t buy cigarettes, I’ll still do it.”

Tetsu was tempted to kiss Haido passionately. He was getting very turned on seeing Hyde act so frail and helpless, but he didn’t have the strength to confess to the small man in his arms...

A few hours passed. And both went to sleep. The city lights cast a faint glow on the room walls, and Tetsu could guess Hyde’s sleeping form in the dark, on the futon beside his. The muffled street sounds became an echo, like a background sound to the voice urging him to act from inside his head. He held his pillow tight and resisted the craving to go up to him and kiss him. Hyde lied under a heavy blanket, breathing softly, and pressing his face against the slim pillow. The smaller man moved his legs now and then shifting his position as he slept and taking an occasional deep breath as he did. He looked like a little child, Tetsu stared at him unseen, craving for him... but unable to gather the strength and courage to speak about his feelings. Ken was right, at this moment, Hyde’s defense was low, he would say yes to anything. Hyde himself had said he would do anything for Tetsu. But that was not what Tetsu had wanted. He was a romantic person, he dreamed of falling in love and being loved back. He didn’t want to have Hyde out of fear... but rather out of love. His heart was a mass of doubts and pains, racing fast one minute, and stopping to a grinding halt the next one. He was alone with Hyde... yet he didn’t dare to even speak to him about it. Ken had had a smart plan, but Tetsu couldn’t follow it.