L'Amour Fou
“I learned to drive when I was 12. I learned at a pretty young age…
My big brother taught me.
He taught me lots of things…
Maybe too many.”
Episode 1
Hyde ran his fingers through his hair in a vain attempt to refresh his forehead
from the scorching heat inside the car.
His skin felt sticky on the steering wheel to which he held on tightly; but
he perceived it as greasy and slippery when coming in contact with his hair.
Heavy drops of sweat ran the way down from his temples to his neck while Hyde
drove on, clenching his teeth in mad vehemence.
The glaring sun outside shone against the rear view mirror, creating a blinding
radiance at times.
Hyde kept driving concentrated, infuriated, chasing the elusive mirage that
ran in front of him along the highway.
The landscape unfolded itself in front of him like a fast parade of green
and brown hues, at a speed that merged the shapes in a homogeneous illusion
of deform evenness. A decoration that vanished away like melting in the heat
of the road.
A pool of water that wasn’t there… Hyde kept driving, trying to
catch it.
His mind was a silent chaos. His eyes caught everything around him, except
the scenery, and discarded it. He wasn’t exactly sightseeing. And his
small foot… the foot of a small-framed teenager, pressed on the gas
pedal speeding up along the road, heading somewhere… he hadn’t
quite decided where.
“This is all your fault, bro. Your entire fault. I warned you, but
no… you don’t wanna listen. Why would you, the big and smartass
brother of mine, listen to my advice, huh? You know you had it coming, dude…
It’s all your fucking fault.”
Hyde arranged the rear view mirror again and took a glimpse of his brother
silently sitting still on the back seat. Then he rapidly moved it back to
its former position in annoyance.
“Man… it’s all your fault… All your fucking fault.”
Hyde directed his eyes towards the seemingly unending road in front of him, pushing aside the image of his brother on the back seat for a few seconds to focus on the destination of his journey.
“I told you it hurt... it hurt a lot what you were doing. I suppose
in a way it hurt you too. That’s why I think this is probably the best,
aniki. I couldn’t let you do it… I just couldn’t.”
On the back seat, motionless, the pale face of his interlocutor rested on
the window glass, gazing through it with blind from shock.
“You are everything to me... and you’ll always be, aniki. I don’t care what happens. I won’t leave you. Now... now we’ll go somewhere together. I don’t know very well where to, but I do know we’ll go together, bro. I know you won’t argue my decisions. I know you have learnt what happens when my decisions are argued.” Hyde interrupted himself for a moment, and looked briefly over the rear view mirror trying to catch a glimpse of his brother’s face. “I hope you aren’t thinking about her, baka. That whore is responsible for all of this. I just hope you aren’t thinking about her, or I’ll do something even worse... You should thank me for not having done anything to the bitch. I should have killed her.”
Hyde stretched his small foot and pressed the gas pedal with fury and irritation. “That whore is to blame for everything.” He repeated hissing between his teeth like a snake dying by its own poison.
The scalding heat consumed the road, and it felt as if the car were heading
towards hell from the last stop before its gates. Heavy drops of sweat slipped
down around Hyde’s eyes, making his vision blur intermittently, showing
the mirage of a flaming scenery in front of him. A flaming scenery towards which
he drove like possessed.
The air inside the car became increasingly heavy, and Hyde decided to wind
down the window in order to catch some breath.
“Remember, aniki? You started all this... all this game that’s
taken us here.” Hyde said sighing. “You, by your own will, decided
to become mine. And you know I don’t share my toys.”
Hyde smiled somberly, overwhelmed by the memories that assaulted him at the
most desperate moment of his life.
His mind split its attention, keeping itself partially focused on the road,
and partially losing itself back… many years back… in the realm
of memories.
“I was seven... just seven... when you taught me the game. I was back
from school and it was hot. You made me a tall glass of malted milk... you
patted my head, and you told me mom and dad had gone to visit grandma. I’ll
never forget that day, Sakura.”
Hyde walked decidedly towards his room sipping from the oversized glass of
malted milk his older brother had made for him.
“You are the best, oniichan!” Hyde said contented and rubbed his
stomach happily.
“Thanks, tiny.” Sakura, seven years older, smiled pleased. “Now
go get a shower. You smell like shit.”
“Liar! I don’t smell bad!”
“You smell like a dirty little monkey who’s been playing with
garbage.”
“Oniichan usotsuki!”
“Go get a shower, you, dirty monkey!”
“I don’t wanna! I’ll only take a bath when mommy comes back!”
“Oh, no, you won’t. I’m not gonna keep smelling your dirty
butt. You haven’t learnt to wipe your ass yet? Ewww… you smell
dreadful.” Sakura said and picked Hyde up taking him to the bathroom
while the little boy kicked and bawled furiously.
“Take a bath, you dirty chimp!”
“Kya~! Dame~! Dame yo~! Oniichan hanase!!”
Sakura laughed opening the shower and playfully fighting Hyde while taking
his clothes off.
“I’m gonna tell on you! I’ll tell mom that you tried to
drown me!”
“Mom’s never gonna believe that, you, lying dirty chimp.”
“She will! I don’t want a bath!”
“You need a bath. I’m your older brother and while mom and dad
aren’t at home, you’ll do as I say.”
Hyde started sobbing while Sakura put him inside the tub.
“Don’t be such a pain in the ass, Hai-chan. Listen… I’ll
bring your favorite toys, OK?”
Hyde pouted and sobbed. “OK… he relented defeated.”
“Good boy.” Sakura said patting Hyde’s head. “I’ll
be right back with… hmm… Mr. Duck.”
“You’ll wash my hair, aniki?”
“Sure, I will.” Sakura answered as he left the bathroom.
“Aniki… meanie…” Hyde sighed, and started to splash
around angrily inside the tub. “He thinks he’s mommy or daddy!
Meanie oniichan!”
Sakura came back to the bathroom bringing along a plastic dinosaur doll as
promised to his little brother. He mocked once again the fact that the child
had named a dinosaur “Duck” and he put the toy inside the tub.
“I think Mr. Duck could also do with a bath...” Sakura commented
nonchalantly.
“Yeah... Mr. Duck is really dirty.” Hyde replied gravely.
“Well... you could bathe it…” Sakura answered holding back
the upcoming laughter the serious tone of the conversation had provoked.
“Yes. I’ll do just that.”
“And meanwhile, I’m gonna wash your hair.”
“OK... but be careful! Don’t let shampoo in my eyes!”
“I’ll be careful, little chimp.” Sakura answered nodding
and smiling.
Hyde was a very restless child... a lot more than other kids his age. He
enjoyed giving orders and being spoilt. Probably Sakura, along with their
entire family, had contributed a lot to building the boy’s character,
since, just like everyone else, Sakura couldn’t stop spoiling him. Hyde
was truly adorable.
Sakura watched his little brother as he played with his toy, absorbed in his
7-year-old world of fantasy. The boy’s hair was as dark as his own. It
looked and felt like a hank of black silk whirling wildly on the small head
of the perfectly beautiful creature that held it on his delicate shoulders.
The diminutive hands, of short, thin fingers, which managed to master toys
and color crayons with an extent of ability had always marveled Sakura when
he stayed watching him for hours… even if that skill wouldn’t
have called anybody else’s attention when compared to any other seven-year-old’s.
Hyde’s small toes curled while the boy sat folding his legs. His white
and perfect back arched forwards, paying attention to his miniature dinosaur,
which… of course, needed a bath.
Sakura took the hand shower and damped Hyde’s hair while running his
hair between the raven dark locks of silken hair.
“Mind my eyes!” Hyde warned. Sakura nodded gravely.
He watched his long-fingered hand emerging from the wet black mop of hair.
Sakura felt his brother was as little as small was the toy they boy held in
his hands. For an instant, he thought they looked like a grotesque game of
mamushka dolls, and he felt the need to hold the child and kiss his cheek.
“Eh? I’m not scared, aniki. I’m a big guy.” Hyde protested
trying to push Sakura away from his cheek.
“Ah… you are right. I had forgotten.”
“You just… wash my hair.” Hyde ordered.
“You are a big guy… but you can’t wash your hair, huh?”
“I can! But you are like… the expert at it.”
“Ah… must be that way…” Sakura nodded smiling amused.
“Then should I use the kids shampoo or the one I use?”
“Yours, of course.” Hyde answered without a doubt.
“Of course… because you are already a big guy.”
“Mochiron!”
“We’ll leave the kids shampoo for Mr. Duck.”
“That’s good.” Hyde approved.
“Well… Lean your head backwards if you don’t want shampoo
in your eyes.”
Hyde obeyed, closing his eyes and leaning his head towards his brother, right
behind him, on the outside of the bathtub.
Sakura poured a small pool of shampoo in the hollow of his left hand, and
he took it carefully to the delicate and naive head of his little brother.
He gently massaged the soft scalp under the luscious black mane, letting himself
get lost in the arousing sensation caressing such a perfect being arose in
him.
“And… Can I play in the tub later?”
“Sure. After I fill it with clean water.” Sakura answered distractedly.
“Until mom and dad come back?”
“Yes. But you gotta leave the door open. I don’t want any surprises.
You are a very mischievous kid.”
“I won’t drown, niichan!”
“I hope so, ‘cause if you do, I’m gonna smack you hard on
the bottom.”
“Meanie! I’d be dead!”
Sakura shrugged. “I’ll do it anyway.” He answered and suddenly
tickled the little kid on his chest.
“Kyaa~~!” Hyde squealed amused and tried to get away from the
funny torture.
“Be a good boy, then.”
Sakura’s eyes delighted in the childish forms of Hyde’s small body lying helpless and trusting against his chest while sitting inside the tub. Sakura felt he had to round him with his arms and hold him, pulling that dear creature towards him. Hyde was such a lovely and small child… so much beauty and frailty moved Sakura. Like a beautiful and lonely flower one feels the impulse of pulling and taking along, he wanted Hyde. He needed Hyde.
Sakura used the hand shower to rinse his brother’s hair.
“Close your eyes, Hai-chan.” He warned, and carefully began pouring
clean water on the small head. He ran his fingers between the smooth locks,
letting the water drag away any hideous blemish on the precious black tissue.
He wished water could take away all dirt… even the dirt inside the depths
of his own mind.
Sakura leaned on Hyde and kissed the boy’s forehead.
“Ready, tiny.”
“Really?”
“Yup. Now wash yourself.”
“Wash me… please?” Hyde asked smiling… innocently…
inviting his brother to keep the caresses coming.
“Oh? Didn’t you say before you’re a big guy now?”
“Ah… well… I like to remember my youth days…”
Hyde replied cunningly.
“You know? You are a very, very naughty kid.” Sakura said laughing.
“I love you, aniki.” Hyde snapped pursing his lips and smiling,
and then he jumped to his brother’s arms. Sakura’s fingers slid
slowly down the child’s white and wet back, almost trembling…
in anxiety… in anticipation… in fear of himself. He rested his
lips softly on the boy’s forehead. He was shivering in midsummer. The
chills his uncontrolled feelings gave him ran down his spine scaring him…
and turning him on.
“Haido, my little boy… I love you so much, tiny. You are the
most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in this world.”
“You are very good looking too, aniki. You are the best looking guy
in chuugaku.” Hyde answered curling his soaked self under Sakura’s
chin and hanging himself from his brother’s shoulders.
In an outburst of despair, Sakura took the child in his arms and brought him
out of the tub. The boy laughed amused while Sakura, feverish with unmanageable
impulses, wrapped him in a large light blue towel with marine pattern and
took him, almost kidnapped him, to the boy’s room.
Sakura kissed Hyde’s face crying, and Hyde returned every kiss between
little chuckles.
“Haido… it’s impossible to not spoil you… it’s
impossible for me. You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“You already said that, aniki.” Hyde laughed.
“I want to have you with me… against my chest… like this…
forever. I want you to be with me forever, Hai-chan. I love you.”
“I love you too, aniki.” Hyde smiled and kissed his brother’s
face once again. Sakura put him softly on the bed and dried his hair rapidly.
He put the towel aside, and began to travel the boy’s naked body with
kisses starting by the diminutive toes while his long fingers caressed the
trace of saliva he gradually left on the young, virginal skin.
And Hyde abandoned himself to the pleasant sensation with ingenuousness. Laughing
like a singing spring. A spring from which Sakura wanted to drink… and
there was nothing else that could quench his thirst.