Episode 3

“You know what, Sakura? I never wanted to get to this point. Never.” Hyde said suddenly. “I know you felt guilty… but you started this whole mess. You should have given it second thoughts before acting so recklessly. What made you think I wouldn’t react? Must be in the blood, Sakura… I mean lust. But you know I never blamed you for our little game. In fact I know that basically what we’ve been doing is wrong, but I can’t blame you because I’ve always loved it. You should have never felt guilty. You shouldn’t have, Sakura… When it all began… when I was just seven… I thought you were simply pampering me. It was only later that I understood a little more about the game… and I also understood I held the power. Yes. The power you had lost to me.
I just wanted to return the favor, Sakura. I had enjoyed your mollycoddling greatly, so I couldn’t do any less than making you enjoy the same. Fair is fair. I’m sorry you never noticed that.
This is… something between brothers. Got that? Nothing we should share with anyone else. It’s like a closed circle, man. Just you and me. Everyone else is simply outside. That’s why I was always angry when you dated any of those whores you called girlfriends. Those bitches were meddling in an affair that was only ours, Sakura. How could you not grasp that? They wanted to take away what was mine… what I had earned with the sweat… the sweat… of my butt.”
Hyde laughed with disgust.

“But this last bitch… this one really did push her luck. I would have killed her without giving it second thoughts. I hate her. She would have deserved it… but you came between us to defend her. You kept me from carrying out my plan, you moron. And now, here we are. Running away to devil-knows-where, on this shitty road. All your fault, you retard…”
Hyde shook his head. His monologue was destined to never being interrupted. Sakura wouldn’t say a word during the whole trip. He remained sitting still on the back seat, with his nostalgic face against the window… watching blindly a monotonous and fast landscape… remaining in Hyde’s hands, as usual, as it had always been for years. Decisions had always been Hyde’s.

“Now I don’t know what the fuck to do, bro. I’ll keep driving south, and I hope to get to Okinawa… but then, I don’t know what we’ll do. I don’t know what I’ll do, to be precise. You won’t do jackshit.
I should beat the crap out of you. You ruined all my plans.
But… I won’t. It’s not like I got into this car to spend my time reproaching you, oh, no. I’m not that stupid. I know it’s pointless now. What’s done is done.
I got into this car in order to think clearly… to decide what to do. But I can’t think of anything and it’s gonna be dark soon.
Maybe we’re heading towards hell together, niichan… I don’t know. I just know we aren’t coming back home from this trip… and you aren’t going anywhere without me. I promise you.”

The sky was made up in tongues of fire from the west, and Hyde rushed along the road like a fiend, cutting through it like a knife of impeccable sharp blade.

“I’ll find us a motel… a place to spend the night. Or maybe we’ll sleep in the car. I’m not sure of anything.”
Hyde looked at the rear view mirror out of the corner of his eye.
“You know what, Sakura? Now you look like the small one. You look pale and helpless. I bet you are scared.
I think… I think you don’t care one way or another, really. But I don’t blame you. If I was in your place I wouldn’t care about anything anymore either. I would have liked this to turn out differently, Sakura… you know? I always wanted to make a long trip just with you… only with you. I’ve always imagined one day we would go together to one of those grisly, low reputation motels at the side of the road… and we’d spend the night together… fucking like animals. No prejudice, no limits, no fear of being found out.”

Hyde hit his fist on the steering wheel while losing direction slightly and almost hitting the ward-rail. He rapidly returned to his lane.

“I love you, Sakura… but I’m scared. I think we’re heading to a sure death, niichan. I’m almost sure of it. I wasn’t scared before. I used to think I’d rather be dead than be away from you, but… now I’m getting scared… I wish you would talk to me, Sakura. Sakura… I wish you’d say something… I wish you’d tell me what to do.”

Hyde started weeping softly, almost unwilling… almost unable to prevent it.

“Sakura, I love you… I love you. I need you. I can’t live without you. I can’t be with anybody else but you. I’m not interested in anything at all, just you. I only love you… Have you ever considered that? All my life… all my life I’ve been thinking just of you. I’ve been loving you… wanting to be in your arms. I accepted it, and with that acceptance I made you mine too. Sakura… my Sakura… Tell me what to do, Sakura. Don’t leave me alone… just… don’t Sakura. I love you more than anything in the world… and I’ll never let you be with anybody else. Never.”

Hyde wiped his tears with the back of his hand and kept driving as the night closed in. He remained silent for a long while, until the road was but a black curtain around them, and the only shapes in sight were those under the car’s headlights.

“I’m gonna stop at that rest area straight ahead, at the side of the road. I think there’s nobody there. I’ll stop and I’ll go to the back seat with you. I’m gonna sleep in your arms, Sakura. I think… there’s no point in going on like this. At least… not now. I’m tired. My waist and my shoulders hurt…” Upon saying this Hyde slowed slightly down and changed to the slow lane towards the little road leading to the rest area.
The night was pitch black, and it was hard to see with eyes full of tears.

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