L'Arc en Ciel fanfiction .::. Offer and Demand

Episode 11

She’s crying…
No. I haven’t been too rough… I think I was too tired… I came right away. She’s crying in disappointment. I’m crying in disappointment too.
She’s locked herself up in the bathroom and I can hear her crying from here. A few steps away, and still it feels like we are worlds apart.

If the dog keeps wagging its tail at me like that I swear I’ll throw the lamp at it.

I get up from bed. It feels wrong to get up after not getting any sleep. But I do it anyway. I really want to get out of here.

I get dressed slowly. I light a cigarette and I hold it loosely between my teeth while I pull my jeans up.
She’s still there… crying.

I put a shirt on. “Safe sex forever…” Now that I think of it, I didn’t wear a condom. Well… given the outcome of my enterprise, I probably didn’t need it. The irony is that she bought me a box of condoms in order to make a sarcastic remark a few days ago.
I grab my stuff and I head out. I need fresh air and a dark room, shut out from all sound, to take a rest. A little rest…
If I had a gun at hand, I wouldn’t give it second thoughts.

Surprisingly, I find myself going to my office. I walk towards my own “atelier” and I sit there at the desk with mountains of paperwork in front of me. I hate it. For peaceful place, this really sucks. I order some bento and I curl up against the back of my seat, waiting… I don’t know what I’m waiting for (other than the bento) but I just wait.
Until sleep overcomes me.

My secretary wakes me up with her usual nasal voice over the communication device. I ask her to leave my bento on my desk and I pretend to be working when she enters.
I rapidly go back to slumbering as soon as she leaves.
I want to sleep… I don’t care about the bento anymore. And the sound of her sobs keeps ringing inside my head.
After a while, I know I can’t stay at the office anymore. I have this choking sensation in my guts… and I decide to go to my favorite meditation place in Tokyo: Sumidagawa.

I light a cigarette and I smoke contemplating the undulating dark shadows on the river’s surface. It invites me to meditate, to think about my situation… to not think about my situation… I don’t know.
I watch the pale smoke leaving my nostrils, curling and disappearing in front of my eyes. It makes different ghostly shapes, carrying a piece of my health with it… I really don’t care. I like smoking.
It’s around five in the afternoon already, and I’m leaning against the rail that guards the view of Sumidagawa. I’m gonna stay here for a while longer, I think. Until the sky is completely dark. I wish I was still at home, in Wakayama… where I could go riding my bicycle to the beach, and watch the sun rising… so majestically, so grand…
The sun keeps going up and down and nothing changes. Only I changed. For better or for worse… right now, I think for worse.

A very familiar sound wakes me up from my reverie. I will never forget the sound of that motorcycle for the rest of my life.
“Yacchan?”
“I thought you’d be here.”
“Well… It seems you know me.”
“Uh-huh… I do. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“Yeah.” I turn around to face him, and I try to smile.
“So… What’s troubling you? You said you would tell me…”
“I’m not in the mood right now, Yacchan…”
“Why not? It’s not like I’m a judgmental person. You can trust me. Whatever it is, I will understand and try to help you.”
“I’m beyond help.” I snap and I turn around again.
“Oh… I see… I know what you’ve done.” He says and he chuckles scornfully.
This surprises me, but I listen to the explanation of his assumptions, given his so-called devinatory powers.
“Being the asshole you are, you probably think you sold your soul to the devil for money, or something like that.” He says and laughs openly.
“No, I…”
“Idiot. Those things only exist in movies and books!”
“I didn’t sell my soul to anyone! And just for the record, I don’t think anyone would buy it.”
“I would buy it.” Sakura says and grins.
“Really? For how much?”
“For the truth. Tell me what’s troubling you.”
“Yacchan…” He’s impossible. But he looks at me in that way… his eyes haunt me in that way… I lose myself in the mirror of his brown eyes. “Yacchan…” I sigh.
“I’ve met your friend Gackt today.” He starts and pulls out a cigarette. He lights it and leans over the rail beside me.
“Oh.”
“I told him you were kind of troubled.”
“You can’t keep your big mouth shut, right?”
“No. Since it doesn’t look like you will accept my help, maybe you will accept your newest friend’s.”
“Listen… Don’t give me a jealousy fit now. I have plenty of that at home.”
“Whatever. Nobody forced you into marriage. It’s already time for you to grow up and be responsible for your actions.”
“Look who’s talking.” I mutter.
“I DID take responsibility for my actions, and I continue to do so. So don’t bullshit me.”
“I’m ignoring you now.”
“Anyway… I met Gackt by chance. He looked tired. He went to have breakfast to the same deli I usually go to. Funny we had never met before…”
“Well… that’s because you are a morning person, Yacchan. You wake up early and you go for breakfast and booze kinda soon. Not everybody does that.”
“Well, it was around 7AM when I met him.”
“See? You wake up at impossible hours. I’d go to bed at around that time. And so would Gackt.”
“Oh, really? So what was he doing at the deli having breakfast? Huh?”
“Uh… he probably had breakfast before going to bed…” I reply and shrug.
“He has one big guy for bodyguard. It’s a little funny, ‘cause he’s tall, but he looks so small by comparison.”
“Well, man… bodyguards are usually big… Why the mindless conversation?”
“Uh… Gackt said he was worried about you too, after I told him. He said he’ll go to visit you. I was thinking… maybe you can go out with him… have a couple drinks… talk…”
“Listen Yacchan, I wasn’t born yesterday. You both schemed to get me drunk and make me sing the whole story! You two are scheming behind my back!”
“Of course not!”
“You sound like two schoolboys! I’m never gonna trust any of you!”
“Oh! The mature guy has spoken!” Sakura mocks me.
“I’ll go see Gacchan, OK? I’ll go see him and I’ll talk to him and I’ll tell him I’m all right and the only problem here is that you are a retard!”
“OK! Do as you wish!” Yacchan answers in annoyance. “Let it be the last time I worry so much about such a jerk like you!”
“Yeah! Stop worrying! Worry about other stuff! Worry about world pollution, pandas being almost extinct, worry about war, worry about the Dow Jones, but stop worrying about me!”
“Pandas… are almost extinct…” I hear Sakura muttering. “…You had to bring that up…”
“Geez…” I roll my eyes.
“Thank you for ruining my day.” Sakura snaps and tosses the end of his cigarette away.
“What’s the matter with you, man? You drunk already?”
“Thank-you-very-much-mister.” I hear him say, stressing the words, and then he turns around, mounts his motorcycle and leaves me standing there. He gradually becomes a dark spot growing distant and distant… and the roaring sound of his bike dies out leaving me alone.

At night… I go to see Gacchan.
I’ve walked up and down Shibuya and Shinjuku until midnight, and now I’m tired… but still I’m driving towards Gacchan’s place.
I wonder if he will be happy to see me. I wonder if Yacchan really talked to him or not… I wonder if Yacchan made it all up.
Maybe Gacchan is busy… maybe I should call him first.
I stop at the red light and I speed-dial on my keitai.
The line is busy.
It really doesn’t surprise me at all. He’s always busy.
As I drive, I think of what I’m gonna tell him. I don’t want to come off as a stupid, pathetic asshole to him. I really want to look cool in front of him.
The problem is… he thinks he can read minds. And even if I know he can’t, he is pretty accurate with his predictions and readings.
I don’t know how he does it. Dammit, I wish he’d tell me. I could… like… impress everyone if I could do that trick.
But in this particular case, if he says something that even remotely sounds like Yacchan has been yapping a little more than he should have… I’ll kill both.

It’s winter… it’s gonna snow.
I’m parked under Gacchan’s apartment. I love the tiny landscape on the rear view mirror. I move it a little sideways, and the sight of my own face startles me.
I didn’t expect to see myself, the man in the mirror, today.
I look tired and old. I look like a grumpy old man.
I run my hand on my left cheek and chin and I realize I need a shave.
The man in the mirror doesn’t want to look at me.
I’m cool with it. I don’t want to look at him either.
I finally get the courage to step out of the car and I boldly go visit Gacchan. I’m not expected. I’m a surprise. I’m sure I will surprise him. I hope for good.

As soon as I get off the elevator my keitai rings. I take a look at the blue screen and I know it’s a duty call. My ass is required.
I only have a short while to talk to Gacchan before I leave for “work”, so I gotta make haste. I answer the phone… same place, I assume same client… in about 3 hours… it’s fine by me. I say yes. The hotel is not too far from here… I still have some time to talk to Gacchan before I go.
I knock on the door nervously.
And the weirdest thing of all happens. The most unexpected thing happens, making me think for a second that I teleported away from the building.
I know the man that opened the door… I know him. I wouldn’t forget that face… That big frame that scared me when I first went into the prostitution business. The man that opens the door of the hotel room for me… He looks at me with a puzzled expression, which probably quite matches mine.
Why is my client’s assistant working for Gacchan?

Oh… wait… I think I know the answer.

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