L'Arc en Ciel fanfiction .::. Offer and Demand

Episode 15

My situation has definitely changed after that fateful afternoon at home with my wife.

In fact, I think I have never before undergone such a big change in such a short span of time.

One month.

One month is all it took... and I'm sleeping at the office, don't have any clean underwear and my wife has a restriction order against me.

My life HAS changed.

During these nightmarish last 30 days none of my friends have called me. Gackt either. I've run out of clean socks, boxers, shampoo, cellphone batteries, razors and patience.

It seems every time I take a step forward, I go two steps back.

The one positive thing about all this is that I've managed to cancel my wife's extension of my credit card. So right now she's spending on her own.

I thought she'd come back to me like a tame kitten, but it seems I misjudged her. She probably has some money saved... what a bitch.

It's not like I've money to give her... if I had money the first thing I'd do is buy myself cigarettes... and clean underwear. I'm starting to smell myself and I think I stink.

In any case, I know I can put up with this because I have faith in the good outcome of this situation. It's only a little trial to go through, until I reach freedom. Complete freedom. Freedom to fuck whoever I wish... that is, Gackt.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately.

Well... actually, I've just been jerking off while thinking about him. It wasn't very deep thought, to be honest. Just... Gackt... sex... wank... jerk off... feels good. I think that's the only thing that keeps my sanity.

I'm surprised nobody has called me... although right now if they call my keitai they are screwed. I mean... Yatchan... Tetsu... nobody gives a shit about me?

Nobody needs me?

I could very well be dead and nobody would find out. This is very irritating. And Gackt! He said he was obsessed with fucking me, and he hasn't given a fucking call in a month!

What's he doing? Fucking a picture of mine?

My secretary doesn't want to come into my office anymore, and she twitches her nose every time she has no other option but to get here. I realize after one month I'm probably smelly... but I think she's exaggerating.

Apparently Megumi has decided to deny access to the internet from my office as well. So I'm bored as hell and quite isolated... Feh... no porn. I knew it was a bad idea when I made her one of my managers...

I feel like a hostage. A dirty one.

But today all my hostage woes will meet an end.

Today I'm getting the guts to actually leave the office and go to the restroom! And in broad daylight!

Oh, wait... the thought is scary right now... my hair must be very messy. I better stay here for a while longer and I keep meditating about my present situation.

Indeed my situation has changed...

So, here I am... it's midnight and I've finally managed to make it to the restrooms without having to meet with my wife or one of her minions of evil.

I miss the times when I was the boss around here. That's what bankruptcy does to you.

Nobody wants you when you are poor... and haven't taken a shower in a month. So, I groan at the man in the mirror while I wash myself rapidly. I know it's pointless... all my clothes are smelly.

I am quite aware that I could use a regular phone and call someone for help. (Perhaps a foreign embassy.) I could even walk into the street if I wanted to... but something restrains me and keeps me locked inside my office... curled in fetal position and whimpering... waiting for my secretary to bring a box of bento.

Yes, yes, I could have left if I had wanted to... but there was something that kept me locked in. You see... It's hard to recover your sanity when you've had sex with my wife twice in one evening. She kept hitting me over and over and insulting me all the time.

Then she called the cops... and then... she did the most horrible thing anyone can do: she called my in-laws.

You wouldn't want to be in my place.

Believe me.

So, right now I'm scared someone might come after me and give me quite a beating up.

Shit... I'm so pathetic. I look at myself in the mirror and I really want to cry. I look like toxic waste. (And I smell like it.)

But tonight, I've stood up against fate. Tonight I've gathered the courage to walk out into the streets and spend the little money I've on me on public baths.

Tonight I have the guts to face the world, with my chin up pointing to the sky, my fists ready, my frown menacing, and above all... my in-laws on vacation in Sapporo.

But before I hit the public baths and contaminate them with my radioactive dirt, I decide to pay a visit to someone who deserves to be called "a bad friend". I wiggle the keys of my car around my index finger and I smile intently as I walk towards the garage below my office.

Someone will pay tonight for not having called me in an entire month.

Fifteen minutes later, I'm fuming as I walk down the street towards the train station. Fucking stupid garage keeper didn't allow me to take my car if I didn't pay the toll for one month-long stay.

I haven't traveled by train in such a long time, I don't even remember how to buy tickets. Shibuya... Shinjuku... Nakano. Yeah, I've enough cash on me. I have an extra 300 yen that I'll spend on some tasty gyoza. Hah! I deserve the treat! Imagine living for a month solely on bento!

If you wonder why I sound so calm, so cold-blooded about this, well, the answer is simple:

In the first place, I have a purpose in life... a goal, an ideal: crippling Yacchan.

In the second place, as I mentioned before, I managed to cancel my wife's extension of my credit card. It took balls to do that.

In the third place, my in-laws are not in town.

The buffoon is not at home, it seems. Or he's passed out drunk.

I'm tired of ringing his doorbell and knocking on the door... even kicking it... One of his neighbors said he'd call the police, so I better remain quietly here and wait until he either comes back or wakes up from his booze-induced drunkenness.

I feel renewed. I feel like I'm a totally different person. I feel free. I'm gonna cut my parasite wife loose and then I'll boost my career with some awesome marketing technique that I haven't thought of yet, but it'll come.

I'll be the Japanese Avril Lavigne. After all, I am also an angry gir.... uhm... boy. Er... man. There's a lot of angst inside me and I'll turn it into cash.

Angst, plus a pretty hairdo equals... PROFIT!

I feel my lips stretching widely on my face in a pleased smile, and I sit comfortably at Sakura's door.

Ah... money woes will be over soon. Gackt might very well be a pompous retard, but he's awesome in bed. Right now all I need is some compensation for all these years of pain and dissatisfaction. Right now, all I need is to be me again, a happy me. And we all know sex has always had the power to render me happy.

Why did I embark in such a pointless venue as marriage to a woman? What the hell possessed me to go against my every instinct and every desire? I guess, in the end, it's only for the better that things turned out so bad with Megumi... I guess being the wimp that I am, if things hadn't gotten so financially bad, I would have never come to my senses. I would have never waken up from this delusion; and I might have lived the rest of my life unhappily with her, not knowing that my every wish, my every desire... and my very financial security, were standing at the exact opposite spot of my marriage to her.

And yet, in my determination, I am still fearful.

I still have my inner doubts... like another side of me attempting to sabotage my very happiness... I think for a second about the motivations that drove me to that marriage. Was it social wellness? Was it meant to scare the ghost of homosexuality away from my public profile? Was I on crack?

The truth is, in my life... and as far as I can remember, I've had much greater fun having unhinged, uncontrollable sex with men than I ever did with women. Not that I ever had much crazy sex with any woman. Maybe I should have been smart enough to realize that the motivation for sex in me just doesn't click too well with females. Maybe I shouldn't have let society influence me this much... or Tetsu influence me this much... to the point of believing I could actually be happy having sex with only one person and that person being a female.

I mean... not that I don't enjoy it... it's just that I've always enjoyed it a lot more with guys.

And how does this relate to my pitiful financial situation?

It does... I know it does. I does because my financial breakdown was the slap on the face that I needed to wake up, to come back to reality and see myself the way I really am.

I like sex. Sex with dudes. And I like money. I like keeping my money. I like being revered and adored. I like being famous. I like being told that I'm smart and talented. I like being fucked all night.

In other words, I like all things my marriage has taken away from me.

And now I'm sure that is the virtual tourniquet that I need to apply: divorce. The numbing effect of marriage to her made me ignore just to what a high extent I was trying to live someone else's life instead of my own. I lived these years in some sort of trance that pervaded my every sense... and it was the financial crisis what woke me up, and the spell was broken... finally. I'm gonna be free!

I needn't see my past "adventures" with a feeling of guilt or shame anymore. It doesn't matter anymore. I'll regain my freedom... I'll finally regain my freedom from everything that kept dragging me down. I'm cutting the rope of every sandbag and finally flying free.

And I'm also gonna fuck Gackt.

I've been fortunate, I think. Things could have gone horribly wrong but they didn't.

My desperate action to regain financial security could have gotten publicly known, and that would have a tremendously wrong impact on my career.

Not that I regret having taken the decision. In fact, it was pretty enlightening. But how do I explain that to the public? Huh? They wouldn't understand. The herd of brain-dead rightmongers would never understand.

Ah... I rest my head against Sakura's door and I smile broadly to the... hm... fluorescent tube. Life will be good again. It will... Just a little bit, it only takes just a little bit to get everything straightened out (no pun intended) and my life will go back to its previous state of bliss and self-satisfaction.

And I'll never listen to Tetsu's relationship advice again.

And I'll get revenge on Yacchan for not having called me during my most excruciating month of captivity.

And I'll fuck Gackt.

And I'll fuck whoever I want to. And Gackt.

And my butt will smile in happiness as shall I... Ah... my life will be perfect... I'll recover my previous status of semi-god in the local media. I'll be the Avril Lavigne of Japan. I'll be a punkish rebellious guy who emerged from the darkest crap and made it alive... and... and... I'll be enormously rich again.

Oh, yes.

Free, and rich, and beautiful... I almost want to kiss myself already.

I rule.

Suddenly my back recedes and I find myself lying flat on the floor, stretched (as much as my body length allows for a stretch) and gazing into Sakura's chin.

It looks like the idiot finally opened the door.

"What... the fuck... what are you doing here? Already back from Sapporo?"

"What?!"

"Weren't you on a trip to Sapporo with your in-laws?"

"Of course not!" I gather myself with some difficulty and I get up. "Asshole! What would I be doing with my in-laws?"

"Dunno. I don't have the dubious pleasure of knowing what that kind of life is like." Sakura replies rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Let me in!"

"Sure..." Sakura looks and smells drunk.

"You've been drinking yourself unconscious again, huh? Loser!"

"This crap... the effect doesn't last more than a couple hours. Nothing helps me sleep." He mumbles pointing at a bunch of sake bottles on the table. I leave my sling bag on the couch and and rebuff.

"I was going to buy some more when I heard some maniacal laugh coming from the door. I thought I was still drunk and hearing voices... but I guess it was only you."

"Yeah, it was me. I'm here to kill you. Painfully, slowly, but assertively." I reply between my teeth.

"Sure. Just let me get some more booze and we'll discuss it."

"OK. Do that and let me use the toilet."

"Help yourself." Sakura mumbles and goes back to his room, I guess to get money or something. It's not like he was too surprised about my declared intention of killing him. He's probably too drunk. He drinks himself to sleep... idiot. Diazepam is a lot better than booze and lasts longer... Ah, wait... he can't take those.

For a moment I think I feel sorry for him, and maybe I'll postpone the killing... until later.

"So... after this long and insightful conversation with Gackt, I've realized that it's better if my wife and I break up." I conclude. Yacchan has been hearing me talk for about two hours. It's almost sunrise time.

"I see." Yacchan nods and gulps down another shot of sake. "I guess you have your reasons. Have you discussed it with her already?"

"No, of course not."

"Um... well, the way I see it... these things should be discussed with the person involved, rather than those of us outside of the relationship."

"I agree."

"Wow, I'd have sworn you didn't." Sakura smirks.

"But it's way too scary." I wiggle in my seat uncomfortably.

"I thought so."

"It's not like I can go into the house and tell her to pack up and get the hell out."

"That'd be rude." Sakura agrees nodding. "So, I guess you are trying to come up with a much more reasonable way to deal with it."

"Exactly."

"Since Gackt did the divorce counseling, I'm supposed to do the coming-up-with-ideas."

"You are a master at manipulating chicks. Share some inside tips with me!"

"That's... rude... of you."

"Oh, come on, I don't have the time to be beating about the bush. You know how to do this."

"I've never been married, Haido. Did you think about that?"

"But you've had girlfriends, right?"

"Plenty." Sakura smirks self-satisfied.

"And you know how to break up with them, right?"

"There is not a formula! Haido! If there was a formula for break-ups, there'd already be thousands of self-help books about it!"

"But there are such books!"

"Well, go buy yourself one of them and see if it helps!"

"Fine, fine... you don't wanna help me... I can clearly see that." I protest in a very manipulative way to induce a guilt trip.

"Look, Haido, you know I'll try to help you as much as I can. You know I'm always willing to help you as much as I can. You know we've been through a lot of shit together and I appreciate your support during the toughest years of my life."

"...doesn't show..." I pout and look away.

"But... you gotta realize that I don't know how to do this. This is a very delicate matter! I don't want to feel guilty about having advised you wrongly!"

I look at him and shake my head frowning.

"You need professional counseling, Haido!"

"Yeah, well... whatever. Thanks for nothing, really."

"Haido..." He pleads with his eyes... his eyes are too powerful for me to resist so I look away and try to change the direction of the conversation.

"Why did you think I was in Sapporo with my in-laws?"

"Your secretary said so." Sakura replied and shrugged, then he poured himself more sake.

"My secretary did what...? That bitch! My wife told her to do that to keep me away from my friends!"

"Why would your wife do that, Haido. Come on!"

"Because... because..." I take a deep breath and finally say the words courageously. "I have canceled her extension of my credit card."

Sakura bursts in roaring laughter, and starts coughing after it. I light a cigarette nervously... somewhat hoping he chokes to near-death... I think this might be my tenth cigarette since I started telling him... er... a sanitized version of my story.

"Your wife is a genius. She knows exactly how to break you! She's got you all figured out! And you are still so clueless about her!"

"Uh-huh... so funny. There are lots of stuff my wife doesn't know about me!"

"Your wife probably knows everything, and makes you think she doesn't!"

"She doesn't! She doesn't know lots of things about me! She doesn't know I slept with you, and lots of guys before we got married! She doesn't know I have a fetish for makeup! She doesn't know her spending habits have put me against the wall and I've been prostitu----!" I clam up in horror and cover my mouth, and I notice Sakura opening his eyes and suddenly squinting. His eyes pierce me this time.

"You... what?"

"Nothing."

"Say it. I'm not that drunk yet."

"We can wait until you are! And it's nothing!" I get up from the couch and try to walk away from him, but he follows me.

"Say it, dammit! Say it!" He yells and shakes me by the arms.

"It's... irrelevant!"

"You've been... prostituting yourself? Is that what you've been doing behind your friends' backs all this time while we were so worried about you? Is that why you were acting so weird and got us all pondering about your well-being?"

"I... I... it's not what you think!"

"You've been getting paid to have sex with strangers, Haido? Is that what you've been doing?" He keeps shaking me.

"I... have..." I finally relent.

"What the hell have you been doing Haido?! I won't be asking nicely anymore!!"

Like he has been asking nicely...

"I... I have... I NEEDED THE MONEY!"

"For fuck's sake, Haido! What the hell have you been getting yourself into?!"

He's deafening when he shouts like that. Especially when shouting to my ear.

"Gackt and I were so damn worried about you and all this time you have..."

"Gackt already knew about it."

"What?!"

"He's the one that paid to fuck me. OK? Now you know it. I needed the money."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah... although I didn't know it was him who was fucking me..."

"Oh, don't give me any stupid shit! I know you are a moron but you can't claim to not know who's fucking you!"

"Yeah, well, it's a complicated story. Eventually... I found out, and..."

I feel how he pulls from me, takes my sling bag and hangs it around my neck, he grabs the keys of his motorbike and drags me out of his apartment in sizzling fury. I see everything happening like in a movie... the corridor... I'm not moving... he drags me. Then he pushes me inside the elevator and menaces me with his fist, without saying a word. His eyes paralyze me. A few minutes later I'm holding on to him while he jets at light-speed through the streets of Tokyo.

I think we're going to Gackt's place, but I can't discard the possibility of him trying to push me into a psychiatric hospital or something.

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