L'Arc en Ciel fanfiction .::. Offer and Demand

Episode 16

I see everything developing before my eyes in rapid motion. Sakura drags me inside the building while fuming and cursing... we mount the elevator... we fight some... we get out of the elevator... we keep fighting as we walk down the corridor leading to Gackt's apartment... we ring the bell and keep fighting and cursing at each other... Gackt's butler opens the door and we don't notice because we are still fighting...

At some point the big guy interrupts us.

"Gentlemen!"

"Let us in!" Sakura yells trying to push the guy clear... but he doesn't get to move him one bit.

"Do you have an appointment with my boss?"

"Yeah, we're here to sweep the floor with his Renaissance sculpted ass!"

"Can I see Gackt, please? Tell him I'm Haido." I say trying to push Sakura aside.

"I know who you are, and I am afraid you don't have an appointment with my boss, sir."

"Please!"

Sakura tries to push the guy again... again to no avail.

"What is going on there?" I hear the voice coming from inside the apartment.

"We have a situation here, sir."

Gackt comes to the door and watches us in awe. I think I look like a mess after having been dragged around by that bozo (Sakura). And Sakura looks like a maniac trying to push the Butler off the door.

"Um... it's OK. Let them in." Gackt sentences rather puzzled.

The butler moves from the door and Sakura trips into the room. He can certainly be pathetic.

"I'm gonna hit you so bad your momma won't recognize you anymore!"

"My...?"

"Neither will your manager!"

"What... What is so terribly wrong with you, Sakura-san? You look certainly angry!" He speaks nonchalantly, and I shelter myself behind the butler. If these two start fighting I don't want to have anything to do with it.

"You have been paying my friend for sex! You offered him money in exchange for sex! You bastard!"

"Um..." Gackt snickers and turns to speak to his butler. "Please, leave us alone. You can take the rest of the day off."

"Are you sure you don't need my help, sir?"

"It's OK. I can handle it. My friend here is slightly drunk."

"I am not drunk!!" Sakura protests. I beg to differ...

"As you wish, sir."

Gackt turns to Sakura and smirks condescendingly. Sakura is fuming and with the butler gone I've no place to hide... Gackt's dog wags its tail at me. What's with dogs wagging their tails at me?

"Take it easy, man. Haidee is not exactly an innocent virgin child!"

"So what?! You have abused his trust! You took advantage of his financial problems and his blatant idiocy! It's as if you had abused a mental patient!"

"Oe! Yatchan, stop defending me!" I attempt to protest, but nobody seems to pay attention.

"Oh, come on! YOU are not the right person to say this to me!"

"What? What do you...?"

"Although you might argue that circumstances were different, you were the first one to lay him years ago."

"Second..." I mutter. Both of them stop to look at me for a second.

"Second?" Sakura inquires me.

"Kiyoharu..." I sigh in annoyance and drop my tired self on the couch.

"Really?" Sakura asks me and I nod.

"Yeah... hmm... it was just an adventure... I'll explain to you one day."

"We all are 'just an adventure' to you." Sakura replies to me bitterly.

"See?" Gackt declares triumphantly. "He IS a whore. It was only a matter of time until he took it to the next level; the commercial level."

"Shut up! That's not true! I always did it for love!" I protest feeling insulted... although I must admit he is somewhat right.

"Oh, don't complicate things further by speaking your stupid mind, Haido." Sakura retorted angrily, and my jaw dropped without being able to utter a single word.

"Look at me, look at me!" Sakura roared and walked up to Gackt in a menacing way. "Try your best punch, you punk. I'll wipe that stupid smile off your face now."

"All right... if that's what you want!" I hear Gackt replying and I know that is my cue to jump between them and stop them from ruining each other's pretty looks, careers and future photo-books.

"Oe! Oe! Stop this! Stop it! Stop it, I said!"

It's useless as I get punched by both of them at the same time... the last thing I remember is funny colored stars swirling around me... and the next thing I know I'm lying on Gackt's couch (I don't know how I got there) and both of them are over me looking concerned and making serious faces.

"You are such a brute, Sakura."

"No, you are the brute. You punched him on the stomach."

"Yeah, well, that punch was aimed at your balls."

"He's shorter." Sakura shrugged.

I'm thinking I'm lucky to be short, because such a punch to my balls would have turned me into a eunuch.

"And besides you kicked his back first."

"That kick was aimed at your balls." Sakura snaps.

"He's short." Gackt replies, and I start to notice a pattern in the conversation.

"Just... just... stop this..." I mutter and I rub my temples.

"He fucked you." Sakura speaks to me as if I was deaf.

"He fucked you first." Gackt replies.

"Sec--ond..." I correct them and I really wish I could sleep now.

"Get him up. Sit him up! Help me sit him up!" Sakura urges Gackt and I realize I barely feel my body, I'm about to faint again. Voices start fading until brute Yatchan decides to slap me forcefully.

"Haido! Haido!"

"I'm... gonna... kill you."

"Good! Good! Try to punch me! Try to punch me!" Sakura shakes me and Gackt is putting something cold on my temples... I think a wet handkerchief.

"Yes, yes, try to punch him, Haidee!"

I raise my fist but I can't focus.

"He hit his head when he fell..." I hear Gackt speaking from far away, but I'd swear he's close to me.

"We gotta keep him awake, man... keep him awake!"

Ah... I can't see or hear anything again.

I feel like I'm floating in outer space, like in one of those Carl Sagan documentaries...

I wake up again and there is a paramedic standing in front of me.

"Good boy, good boy, Takarai-san." I hear him. "Now look at my hand. Can you focus on my hand?"

"Yeah..." I reply and instinctively rub my head. It's bandaged. Sakura is walking up and down the room and smoking nervously, and Gackt is scolding him telling him not to smoke. They are just two stupid clowns.

"Yes, I can."

"How many fingers do you see?"

"Like... 13..."

"What?"

"Three." I correct myself.

"Apparently you slipped with the carpet and hit yourself on the head." The paramedic tells me. That's what Sakura and Gackt must have told him.

"Did I?"

"Yes you did!" Gackt interrupts eagerly.

"Yes! Yes! Exactly!"

"I thought something else had happened..." I reply wearily and sarcastically.

"Keep him awake. We'll take him to hospital for a CT scan and observation."

I am getting an awful headache right now and I really don't want to move. "Is it necessary...? I mean, I just..."

"It is necessary." Sakura interrupts.

"Absolutely necessary." Gackt confirms.

"I feel OK, I just have a headache."

"I'll take you to hospital." Sakura insists.

"No, I will." Gackt adds.

"Well, I've an idle ambulance waiting at the door that might very well do that kind of job, guys." The paramedic replies distractedly.

"So, let's start the same game about who's gonna call my wife about this." I add and I slowly stand up rubbing my head. Both Sakura and Gackt run to my side and try to help me.

"Gackt will call your wife." Sakura says.

"No, Sakura will." Gackt corrects.

I simply knew it. I wave my hand and frown. Idiots. Buffoons. Fuckers. I shake them off and hold on to the paramedic. I don't have the fuckiest idea what a CT scan is. I don't have the fuckiest idea where my wife is. I don't have the fuckiest idea how I got myself in this situation. I don't have the fuckiest idea about anything. All I know is as soon as this headache wears off and I feel a little better, I'm gonna beat the crap out of Yatchan and Gacchan.

"I... I'd rather stay here and get that weird-sounding thing tomorrow, doc."

"I am just the paramedic, not the doctor."

"Uh... well, whatever. I'd rather... go tomorrow. I just have a headache and my sight is not so blurry anymore. As soon as I get slightly better I'll kick the shit out of these two ex-friends."

"Uh..." The paramedic stares at me with a puzzled expression. "Well, I guess I..."

"It's OK. We'll convince him." Gackt says condescendingly and walks the white-clad guy to the door.

I feel a drumbeat inside my head, and I think it's only ironic, considering that both Sakura and Gackt are -in Gackt's case, was- drummers.

I close my eyes and I let events develop without me. Why do my best friends always have to act like retards? I cuddle against one of Gackt's velvety cushions and breathe deeply. Tummy hurts.

"So, let's go back to our conversation, gentlemen. Where were we?" Gackt starts nonchalantly.

"I was about to beat you up until all the botox in your face starts leaking." Sakura snaps just as casually from the couch.

"Please, Yasunori-kun, don't be such a brute."

"Don't talk familiar with me when I'm angry!"

"And why would you want to use violence against me? Will, per chance, violence change what's done?"

"No, but it'll make me happy." Sakura hisses while doing up the sleeves of his shirt.

I really won't interrupt them this time.

I hope they beat and maim each other badly. That'd be fair payment for my headache. And for not caring enough about me... and for fucking me behind my back, and for driving like a madman, and a long line of etc.

I am not going to stop them again. Not at all.

Uh... man... they are already on the floor going at each other. I better kick some balls here.

Lying on the floor like this... the carpet is smooth... and the three of us are staring at the ceiling while pressing some ice compresses against different parts of our bruised anatomies.

A good fight is all it takes to release tension and do some friendly bonding.

We, men, like fighting. Even sissy men like me like fighting. Fighting is like sex, and I love sex.

And as bonding goes... we start to talk calmly.

"And... well... in the end, even if it was bad, even if I hated it because I thought of it as denigrating... I guess... Man, I guess... I guess there was a little good in it; because it made me open my eyes about my situation."

"I am thrilled to hear that." Gackt sighs.

"Your situation? You mean, being a whore?"

"No, Yacchan... my marital situation."

"Ah! Being a whore behind your wife's back. I get it."

"No, Yacchan! I mean, being a whore... wait a minute, it doesn't have to do with being a whore or not. It has to do with the fact that I was being unhappy in my marriage, and if nothing this drastic had happened, I probably wouldn't have noticed because I was numb about it!"

"Dumb, not numb."

"I meant numb, not dumb! Damn!"

"So, you probably just needed to keep an eye on your wife's expenses... becoming a prostitute is a little too..."

"...risque." Gackt interrupts. "But it paid off."

"You paid off." Yacchan added eyeing Gackt.

"So, although I still think I've been denigrated by engaging in prostitution, I partially don't regret it, because it helped me and because it made me realize that I need a divorce."

"Good... you are finally grasping the notion behind the tourniquet."

"Haido doesn't know what a tourniquet is."

"I do!! I looked it up... er... I do know it! Everyone knows what a tourniquet is!"

"And tell me, Haido; perchance do you think that by divorcing your wife and fucking happily with Gackt your career will get back on track again? Do you happen to believe that divorce is like winning a ticket to success or something along those lines?"

"No, well... this is where you and Gackt come into play. I need help to get my career back on track, but I gotta do it with precise timing. I gotta divorce her before I start making money again, so that I don't need to give her anything."

"That sounds... mean." Yacchan rebuffs and sits up. "You are trying to set her up."

"Well! She did ruin me after all!"

"You are thinking of your finances a lot more than you are thinking of your happiness. That can't be a good thing."

"I think it's perfect." Gackt added.

"See, Yacchan? You don't understand!"

"I understand. I understand that I am concerned about you because you are my friend. I am concerned about your happiness and well being... about your dignity... and you put your finances first."

"Yacchan! You still don't understand! That's because you've never seen yourself in a situation..."

"Excuse me, Haido." Sakura gets up and smirks at me with disgust. "You know very well I know how it feels to lose it all and have to start over again. You, of all people, don't come to me giving me such bullshit."

"I..."

"It was different." Gackt snapped.

"Yes, it was different, but I still, even in my confused state of mind and despair, did know what my priorities were. That is also how different it is. Haido here is putting his own happiness and contentment behind less important things... like money and sex."

"I thought you liked sex, Yacchan." I try to to get him to reason, but convincing Yatchan of anything he doesn't want to be convinced about, proves a rather difficult task to accomplish.

"I love it. And I like money too. But I like myself better. Because stripped down of all those things, in the end, I am everything I have."

"But I'm taking care of myself, Yacchan! Why can't you see it?"

"Because you cannot see it. You are only taking care of your financial needs and sexual needs, and you think that pretty much makes up happiness. You are defining yourself in terms of how much money you make and how much fuck you get... one day you will realize that all of that is ephemeral, and that..." Yacchan gives a look at us and shakes his head. "There is no point in preaching here. You won't listen anyway."

"You've become boring, Sakura-san." Gackt says.

"Perhaps. Perhaps I've become a boring person. Boring is keeping me alive. I almost crashed the big party up there in Valhalla when I was fun. I wish you the best... I mean, both of you. I still think this should be handled differently."

"What do you suggest? That I don't divorce?!" I challenge him angrily.

"Divorce, if that's what you feel is right. Just try to think of your happiness before you think of your money. Otherwise you might lose both. The inherent fault here is yours, Haido. If you don't understand what it is you did wrong, where it is that you failed; you will inevitably make the same mistake again... and again... and again."

"What mistake?! I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Just think about it. It's karma."

Sakura left Gackt's apartment without saying another word. I don't understand what it is he doesn't understand. I just want revenge on Megumi... I want revenge on her for everything she took away from me... from my money to my dignity to... my Harry Potter slippers. Yes, I want revenge.

"Ah... Haidee dearest, don't trouble yourself thinking about Yasunori-kun's empty and venomous words... he's only equating his personal hell to yours, and that is completely off base, to begin with."

"I... I see..."

"And besides, he's drunk. On the other hand, I am all for your smart plan." Gackt adds smiling. "And I'll be preparing a career boost for you. I'm the best at it."

"You will?"

"Of course... of course... as long as you are mine."

"I will. Of course I will!"

"...and you divorce her."

"You bet your finely sculpted ass I will!"

"Your wife strikes me as a very stupid girl... she'll fall for our scheme... she'll be out of your life in the wink of an eye." Gackt grins wider and wider as he speaks.

"Aha, aha, that's exactly what I want, so... tell me about your plan!"

"And after she's out of the picture... your ass will be forever mine."

"Yeah, sure, no problem... as long as you keep treating it. No problem, just tell me how to divorce smoothly, not paying a yen and getting the most out of it."

"I will." Gackt says grinning and looks at me with a blissful expression. I'm happy. I think I've found the right person for the job.

We'll deal with his insanity later.

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