Episode 8

When I woke up, I didn’t know what time it was. Probably because I was still blindfolded. My hands were free and I hurried to pull the cloth around my eyes away. Daylight almost blinded me. My skin felt cold... my sweat must have cooled under the air conditioning, and I shivered feeling my nostrils dry and icy.
I rubbed my eyes.
As I supposed, he wasn’t there with me.
And like the previous time, he had left an envelope with money on the night table.
I examined my body slowly. There were marks around my wrists... red marks... probably where he tied the straps. My pubic hair was stiff, I suppose a mix of sweat and cum was responsible for that, but it gave me a great idea for a hairdo.
My butt felt numb to some extent, and it got suddenly sore when I moved. I twitched in pain.
I saw small dark dots on the bed under me. Maybe I bled?
My armpits hurt. I embraced myself and curled up in a ball, a lock of hair falling over my eyes. I bet I look cute... I bet I look beaten and cute... I hate that.
It’d mean something if I was being watched by someone... but there’s nobody here, and this loneliness makes this all more pathetic.
I slowly move... I slowly get out of bed... and I slowly go take a shower.

The most frustrating thing is that I did nothing of what I expected to do. I didn’t draw any conclusions about the turn my life should take from now on... I didn’t find out who he is... and even if money helps, I didn’t cancel my debt either.

When I arrived home Megumi was asleep. The dog didn’t do more than give me a despising look and keep sleeping on its mat. I felt like tucking my tongue out at it and yell that it was my money what was paying for its dog cookies, but I knew better than waking up my wife.
I tossed the keys on the couch and undressed to get into bed. I was exhausted. My “work” had lasted for hours.
I slid inside the cold bed... the only warm spot must have been where she was sleeping.
“Hm...?”
“Shh... I’m home.” I whispered and kissed her forehead.
“You smell funny.” She muttered and my heart took a turn. “You smell... peachy...”
I caressed her head and cuddled to sleep.
I’m a night person... sleeping in the morning does me good.
Well... weary and sore as I am, sleeping does me good no matter what time it is.

I think it must have been around five in the afternoon when she woke me up. The dog tried to jump on the bed and that made me sneeze.
Crap! I told her a thousand times the dog must stay away from the bedroom! My nose is too sensitive!
“Your mother called. She says you haven’t called her in a while. She sounded really mad.” My wife said coldly.
“I… I… I’ll call her… later.”
I had the weirdest dream. It was a mix of odd images and sequences, as if I was watching a very strange and disjointed movie of my life where past, present and future mixed up in a rather crazy screenplay.
Yatchan was there. He was smiling softly… and he drifted away waving his hand at me. And then Gacchan was there too, trying to kiss me like he did while we were shooting his movie.
Megumi was also there… cuddling Ken-ken… and Ken-ken was crying like a baby. My mother was crying… like the first time I came back from school with lipstick smudged on my cheek… Like the first time she caught me wearing a dress of hers.
I got up suddenly, and in silence I began to get dressed.
“Off again? Looks like you don’t really live here...” Megumi commented cynically.
“Work. It’s work. And you know, I better not neglect it.”
“Oh, good... you are getting your lazy ass in gear. It was about time.”
“I’ve been working! I’ve been working a lot and it’s not my fault if things didn’t go the right way, OK?!”
I think... tiredness makes me blunter or cheekier... or braver.
“I don’t see any results, boy. And your lame-ass ballads haven’t been on the radio for a while.”
“Well... maybe that’s why I’m leaving for work! To get them on the radio again!” I protest and grabbing my coat and the car keys I leave my apartment cursing and...
... limping.
Fuck, my butt hurts.
All I know is I don’t want to stay at home any longer. I don’t want to have to face another argument with her… I don’t want to have to explain to her that it’s not my intention to become a father, and it’s not fair that she pushes me to do it…
I don’t want to hear her reply that it’s not fair either if I push her not to do it… I don’t want to hear her discuss it any more.
This is not the right time. It will probably never be.
“I'm leaving.” I whisper.
She nods away. I think it’s better that way. I think I should really find the courage to ask her for a divorce.
Getting married was probably the worst decision I made in my life, and among all my regrets concerning that decision, the biggest one is probably having dragged Megumi into it. She doesn’t deserve it… she deserves a lot better than me…
And I can’t even satisfy her.
I can’t even make her happy.
I think I’m gonna see Ken-chan to discuss the details of our joint tour.
I know he won’t let me decide anything… I’ll simply have to acknowledge everything he says. I hate that. It’s like… nobody ever considers my decisions to be clever enough.
Everyone is constantly criticizing me or laughing at me.
I make very clever decisions sometimes!
Like...
Well... my latest occupation doesn’t count as a decision...
Like...
Hmm...
OK, where did I leave the car keys?

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