Theater of Cruelty

Deranged Introduction:

Let the glaring bright lights
Slowly fade and decrease
For the story tonight
Is a dark one indeed.
I’ll attempt with my words
As my mind will consent
To welcome you all
To this scary little tale.
And as soon as the lights
Lose a bit of their glee
I’ll commence my account
On behalf of my wits.
It’s about a small guy
Who’s been aching within
Struggling, Oh, so hard
And trying to succeed.
And he’s led by the hand
Of a good friend of his
Who has taught this boy’s eyes
To see what he bids.
Learn the eyes you so trust
Might fool you. You’ll see.
And the eye of the mind
Can also be tricked.
You’ll be led to believe
That there’s something in hid
And you just can’t make out
Why the others can’t see.
So this little boy here
Who so trusts in his friend
Will have to fight hard
If he wants back to free.
May this theater bring
What the story will show
From his own point of view
I will let you to know
In his very own words
He will tell you his pain
And as the curtains sway
Our main character: Kyo.

Episode 1

The clattering sound of applause fills the atmosphere. Raspy voices, throaty screams as the lights fade out. Whistling and incongruent sounds of voices rattling in rhythmic waves of sound leaping over each other and cutting the thin buzz in my head as I stand there. Invisible in the darkened stage. I can see no one else. And no one can see me.
The show is over. Behind me I hear the soft chatter of the guys as they put down their instruments. I carry mine with me.
I can feel the happily tense ambiance. I wish to succumb to it, give in to the joy. Indulge in it freely.
I smile.
I bow and smile.
I feel the firm hand on my shoulder prompting me to go.
“Ikuso, na, Kyo-kun?” Kaoru whispers. I nod.
I’m hell out of here.
I walk in a strained procession towards the backstage. The air is un-breathable, heavy, stale. I sigh and walk staring at the colorless carpeting, riddled with cigarette burns and taints of spilled drinks and food. I don’t walk alone, but I feel so lonely. And we all march into the narrow, dim-lit corridor leading up to the backstage. The muffled sound of our footsteps echoes against the constant buzzing in my head.
I keep staring at the floor.
Man... I’d kill for a cigarette now. My throat stings, probably it wouldn’t be a good idea, but what the hell.
I run my weary hand with effort through the stiff locks of my hair and I keep walking.
Die is being loud and over excited. As usual. Shinya laughs suddenly. Die must have said something... I nod and smirk. I didn’t catch it.
I know this routine all too well. For some time it’s been the same over and over every night. Every fucking night. When the lights are out, when we get off the stage, reality comes back in a blast. It knocks me down and deprives me of my only shelter, my only refuge, my only oasis: music.
Kaoru walks in front of me. He turns his head and says something to Die. Everyone laughs. I smirk back without really looking. I can’t quite pay attention. Adrenaline is pumping too fast into my blood, spreading quickly and taking on my nerves. I can feel the tension building now as we approach the door.
A frame of blue light bordering it, I know we are but a few steps from the spot.
And then... it will be over.
And from then on... I’m alone again. No coat of protection from the band, or the audience.
I suddenly feel the weight of his hand on my shoulder, across my shoulders to be exact. I don’t react. I’ve learnt the act all too well.
But I’m shivering inside.
“So what do you say, Kyo-kun?” he asks.
“Betsu ni, Kisaki.”
“I say we kicked ass!” Kisaki exclaims. Everyone agrees.
The light hits my eyes, and my pupils ache. Kaoru must have opened the door, much to my surprise, I find myself going in, together with everyone else. Dragged effortlessly by the arm across my shoulders.

Time sure flies when you are wallowing in your own mental hell.
How did I end up standing here, in the street? Freezing my butt and listening to pointless chatter around me.
“Are you sure, Kyo-kun?” Kaoru asks me worriedly. He seeks to meet my eyes. I escape his.
“Un.” I nod. “I wanna sleep.”
“Come on already, Kyo-kun.” Kisaki calls wearily. “I don’t have all the time in the world.”
I turn on my heels and follow him.
“Uh... if you change your mind, guys, you know where to find us...” Die calls out tentatively.
“Wakatta.” I mutter.
Kisaki pulls from me with his eyes.
I get into the car rapidly. A second before I close the door he pulls off.
“Where are we going to?”
“Home. Where else, idiot?”
“OK.” I nod and stare through the window. An all too well known landscape parading rapidly in front of me. Accelerating eagerly, encompassed with the roar of the engine. Almost like the audience...
Yes, it sounds almost like the audience...
A bunch of people chanting my name... means nothing now. That was a couple hours ago.
I need another cigarette.

Time fucking flies.
Or I fell asleep against the car window.
I focus my eyes into the darkness.
The scenery I know so well. We are reaching Kisaki’s apartment. He turns the corner of the closed coffee shop, and there we are... a few meters from his place.
He parks his car, and I open my door. It bumps against something.
“What are you doing, moron?!”
“Huh... I didn’t see it...”
“You’re gonna pay for the repairs!”
“Ja... wakatta, wakatta... I’m sorry. I didn’t see it.”
“How can you be so stupid?!”
“It’s night and it’s dark and I didn’t fucking see it!!”
Wrong thing to do.

In no time he bolts towards me. I could run, but where to? His right hand is twisting my wrist and he hisses against my ear.
“You don’t yell at me! Got that?” The words back the pain creeping up my arm. They match perfectly.
I nod. Shit... why do I always have to screw up...?

“Take my bag upstairs. I gotta take the bass guitar.” He orders.
“Uh... keys...” I mumble.
“Wait until I fucking open the door! Are you stupid or what?!”
I nod. I take his bag and walk to the door of the building. I stand there waiting while he locks his car.
An old lady walks out. She stares at me for a second and then passes by. I feel ashamed.
I’m ashamed of myself. Ashamed of everyone that looks at me.
He finally comes and opens the door, and I walk in behind him.

“You are so helpless, Kyo. So stupid and helpless. You should be grateful that I’m here to take care of you. What would you do without me? You’d probably be dead already.”
I nod.
“Say something, fuck it!”
“You are right. Thank you.” I comply.
He stares at me and shakes his head.
“Go take a shower.” He orders and sinks in his couch before automatically turning on the TV. “You stink.”
I obey.