L'Arc en Ciel fanfiction .::. Working the Streets

Episode 18 ~Farewell, my crush~

Hyde remained sitting on the bed for a while, staring at the white door of his apartment, as if waiting for Tetsu to come back from the other side.
He remained still, clutching his pillow against his lap, unable to control his tears.
“Tet---chan...” he started sweetly. "...Tet-chan... Tet-chan no baka!! I'll strangle you!" He finally bawled and started crying loudly while hitting the header of his bed with his angry little fists.
About an hour later, Hyde finally gave in to tiredness and let himself drop on the bed panting. He drew a small blanket with a panda pattern on top of him and slowly calmed down.
“I’ll be waiting for you tonight... maybe you’ll try to look sleek and you’ll bring me flowers. " Hyde whispered among sobs. "Satte, Tet-chan, you don’t need to do that. I just want you to come here and stay with me and hold me... and tell me that you love me.
We can wait for sex, if you want. I want to enjoy holding you and caressing you. I want you to be all mine... I don’t want to share you with anyone else. I want to be the sole recipient of your kisses and caresses... the only expectator of your radiant smile, and I want to know that every time you are happy, there’s a little of me in your joy.
Tet-chan... I want to be a normal boy... and I want to be loved by someone like you...”

Hyde fell asleep holding his pillow tightly, his cheek pressed to the wet spot his tears had given it.
As the sun finally set beyond Shibuya’s skyline, the silent room watching over a young sleeping beauty remained still, guarding his sleep as a serene shelter of his dreams.

Suddenly an insistent knocking on the door woke Hyde up.
“Huh? Tet-chan...?” Hyde opened up his eyes, realizing it was already dark. “Shit! I fell asleep! And I haven’t even prepared myself for the romantic night!” He exclaimed jumping out of bed rapidly.
“Hold on! I’m coming!” Hyde exclaimed and laughed nervously at the double meaning his words could have.
He put on a shirt in haste and a pair of boxers, cursing that he couldn’t do his hair properly in order to allure the beggar boy... the object of his love.
The knocking was insistent, and Hyde rushed to open the door grinning widely. A bunch of flowers got pressed against him as a pair of two arms swept him promptly from the floor.
“I got your message, baby boy... you needn’t worry.”
“Sa---Sa---Sakura?!”
Sakura took Hyde swiftly to bed and kissed him passionately.
“Ma...ma... matte!! Matte yo!”
“Baby boy... my sweet little child. There is no need to suffer anymore. I love you too. Everything’s gonna be fine.” Sakura whispered while he kissed and caressed Hyde lovingly.
“Are you high, man? You high? Shit, you’re gonna pay for this, moron... you aren’t getting any for free!”
“I’m gonna pay with my manly love, sweet little boy... don’t worry.” Sakura chuckled and caressed Hyde under his shirt while kissing him.
“Manly love? Man... yer totally high, ya bozo! I have plans for tonight so...” Hyde said as he fought to set himself free.
“Don’t worry. I’ve plans too.” Sakura chuckled and pushed Hyde down on the bed while kissing him.
“Hope your plans don’t include fucking me!” Hyde exclaimed angrily, kicking to free himself from Sakura all over him.
“Hehehe... don’t tell me you don’t sleep with guys in your first date cuz that’ll make me crack up seriously loud.”
“You are the most clueless dealer I’ve ever met!” Hyde protested while Sakura pulled the small boy’s boxers off. “Fine... fine, I won’t fight you, you asshole. But yer gonna pay the highest price for my services this time! And in hard dough!”
“I’ve some hard dough for you, my sweet little lover. Don’t worry about it.” Sakura whispered kissing Hyde’s thighs and crotch while taking off his shirt and unbuckling his belt.
“You so… don’t get it…” Hyde protested and was silenced by a sudden kiss Sakura stole from him.
“You…” Sakura whispered against Hyde’s lips. “You ARE gonna get it.”

Tetsu walked down the street towards Tokyo Station. He dragged his feet with effort, as if his soiled shoes had unexpectedly become of stone. He was in a bad mood, and didn’t want to talk to anyone. He sneaked inside the station in the way he usually did, and headed towards the spot he, as well as his friends, called home.
“Kaori is pretty… she really is… but… but…” Tetsu sighed. “Why can’t I stop thinking of him?”

Sakura licked Hyde’s belly eagerly, his tongue swirling in the small boy’s navel, he traveled the way up to his chin kissing the boy’s agitated ribcage ardently.
“It’s OK, baby... everything is going to be OK.”
“Yeah, right... moron... you won’t say the same when you gotta pull out the fucking wallet.”
“I’ll take care of you...”
“Yeah, there’s rubbers in the first drawer. And lube.” Hyde interrupted rather upset.
“...You won’t have to do this again...”
“Certainly. Next time I’ll kick-box you.”
Sakura’s tongue reached the juvenile lips that had previously parted only to protest and dashed between them fearlessly; tasting the young flesh in Hyde’s mouth, sucking and kissing the frail boy’s moist mouth until he stopped resisting.
“I love you too, Hai-chan, I love you too. You need not fear.”
“Condoms... lube...” Hyde grunted softly.
Sakura obeyed promptly, arching on top of the now more calmed little body and nesting his head between the boy’s neck and shoulder while he slid a condom on his demanding erection.
He caressed the boy’s tender flesh between those skinny legs and kissed his neck before he raised his small body.
He took the boy’s calves and gently pulling them apart he rested them on the lower part of his shoulders. Hyde was small.
He connected the white plastic pipe to the lubricant tube and spread a little of its content on his fingertips; then he smeared the rosy flesh of Hyde’s small sphincter before he inserted the tube inside and squeezed it letting the oily substance invade the boy’s insides, anticipating the move he was about to make.
“I won’t hurt you, baby boy...”
“I... know...” Hyde winced a little. The lubricant was colder than his body.
“I’m yours, and you are mine...”
“Yeah, don’t waste your time with pointless chatter and do it already.”

Sakura drew in and felt the boy slightly recoiling again and grabbing the pillows around him. His infantile lips let out a sof, painedt moan. Sakura kissed the boy’s ankles resting close to his face and gradually leaned on top of him arching his back to fit himself within the small frame of Hyde’s build. He rested his hands close to the boy’s hands and slowly he began moving inside the delicate body; carefully entering him, giving him all the love he was capable of.

Tetsu dragged his feet along the dark corners of the less known alleys in Tokyo Central Station. He was tired and he felt oddly defeated.
He nodded at a few acquaintances... fellow beggars about 5 times his age lying drunk against the dirty walls, grinning while an unlit cigarette dangled from their toothless mouths.
“Tetsu! You are back!” Some distant voice called. Tetsu nodded once more without looking and kept teetering along his way.
There was a very well known feeling in his throat that would have prevented him from talking... He knew that as soon as he opened his mouth he would start to cry.

He finally reached his destination. A pile of crushed cardboard boxes and brown paper bags made into a bad smelling and looking futon. He dropped his bag tiredly, and knelt down on the improvised bed.
He curled up against a stack of cardboard and garbage and covered himself with some old newspapers.

“And what will I do if she says yes...?” He muttered to himself. The image of Hyde mocking him popped up in his head.
“If Haido was a girl... he’d be a pretty girl... I think.”
Tetsu shook his head and moaned softly.
“Mou... I don’t want to think of Haido! I want to think of Kaori-chan...” He nagged at himself. “Kaori is beautiful, she is... she’s sweet and beautiful and she has a great family and I... I wish I were like her... yeah... I wish I had a loving family like hers. Someone who holds me in their arms when I’m tired or sad. Someone who cooks my meals, caresses my head, holds me tight when I’m scared and puts a sweater on me when I’m cold... someone who takes care of me when I’m sick... Someone who loves me and thinks I’m a good boy... Someone who messes my hair and annoys me making me brush my teeth and floss. Someone like Kaori-chan’s parents. I wish I had a warm home, a cozy bed... toys, school friends... opportunities. I wish I had an opportunity to move on in my life... an opportunity to justify my life... a spark of light that guides me... a safe hand to hold on to.
Why can’t I be like her?
Why can’t I be like Kaori-chan...? Why don’t I deserve love?”

Tetsu sunk his head in the confuse mass of crunched cardboard and cried in silence. His skinny body shivered softly in anguish and frustration.
He extended his bony fingers and clenched them slightly over a ball of crumpled brown paper.
“I want to be loved... why is it not to be? Why am I not worthy of it?”
Tetsu closed his eyes tightly, and clenched his fist once again. The image of Hyde, smiling naked against the frame of his appartment in Shibuya appeared before his eyes.

“And, well... there’s a world of opportunities out there waiting for us, Hai-chan...” Sakura said lighting a cigarette.
“Gimme one.” Hyde demanded pulling from the older boy’s arm. “Gimme a cigarette.”
Sakura stretched his arm taunting on the bed until he reached the box of Seven Stars and the lighter on top of it.
He gave Hyde his cigarette and lit another one for himself.
Hyde inhaled eagerly and released the smoke intermittently while staring at the ceiling.
“Are you calm now?” Hyde asked suddenly.
“Ah... I’m happy.” Sakura replied self-complacently.
“Well, I’m not.”
“Oh, come on, you over-demanding little bastard. You know I was great.”
“Yeah. You are always great, but that’s not the point.” Hyde replied and inhaled from his cigarette again.
“So... what’s the point, huh?” Sakura asked turning his face towards Hyde.
“The point is... in the first place, you owe me and I want cash this time. And then in the second place, I really do NOT enjoy being fucked by surprise because the voices in your head told you to do so.”
“Voices in my head? You are nuts. The voice that told me to do so didn’t come from my head.”
“Well... or your hallucination-spawned friends.”
“I’d say Tetsu is real enough to be considered a non-hallucination.” Sakura said and smirked.
“What? What’s he got to do with it? Please... Keep Tet-chan out of this.” Hyde protested vexedly.
“No need to be faking any more, boy. Play is over. Tetsu told me everything.” Sakura replied chuckling.
“Huh? Told you what?”
“About you.”
“What could he have possibly told you about me?” Hyde asked rather annoyed and puffed his cigarette against the ashtray on the night table by his side.
“About your feelings for me.”
“Eh? You! Motherfucker!”
“Haha! So... you admit it!” Sakura chuckled pleased.
“Motherfucker! You gave Tetsu some of the stuff!”
“Geez, Haido... I thought you knew me a lot better than that. I never give stuff to those who can’t afford it.”
“Me neither.” Hyde nodded. “So, you better pay.”
“Hey... why the stuck up attitude? Tetsu told me you had a crush on me, but you didn’t dare to tell me...”
“What?!”
“Yeah... I thought about it all afternoon... and I came to realize I was OK with the idea... more than OK, actually.”
“Listen, Sakura...” Hyde said sitting up on the bed. “Both you and Tet-chan are complete morons. Both of you! I wonder how you managed to get ahead in your business being such a retard! I am not surprised about Tet-chan, because I know for sure that he’s a little stupid... some of his brain cells died from famine... but you, really man, I’m shocked.”
“Huh?”
“I never told Tet-chan such a thing! He misunderstood me or made it up, or he’s so worked up and wound up around that bitch that he never paid attention!” Hyde yelled in anger.
“Erhmm... I think I’m missing on something here...”
“Yes, you are... but now I get the picture. I suppose it’s not entirely your fault, but you’ll pay me anyway. I guess the only part that is your fault is that you rushed into things like a stubborn headed ass instead of researching first!”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Sakura asked half-amused and half dubitative.
“I never told Tetsu that I had a crush on you. Never. I told him I had a crush on someone but I couldn’t tell him who it was... he asked if he knew the person and I said yes, so he concluded it was you.” Hyde spoke fast and finally sighed in annoyance.
“So... you mean...”
“I’m not in love with you. Pay me.”
“Oh...” Sakura said softly and remained silent for a few seconds. “That’s a... pity...”
Hyde snorted and got up from bed. He walked to the bathroom and washed his face with cold water.
After a few minutes he went back to the only room in the apartment and took a look at Sakura. The scenery had completely changed.
Sakura was sitting on his bed, his legs covered by a white sheet of shiny fabric. He was looking at the tips of his toes making a little mountain underneath the sheet. He looked sad... and puzzled.
“Sa... Sakura...?” Hyde taunted softly.
“What... what a big fool I am...” Sakura mumbled and tried to smirk.
“I... wait... wait, man... I’m... Please don't do this...”
“Oh... don’t be... don't be sorry, if that's what you were going to say. It’s not your fault... I am the one who should be sorry.” Sakura said somberly.
Hyde crawled onto the bed and hugged Sakura.
“Man... you shouldn’t get this emotional over things...”
“Yeah... yeah, I know... I must be getting old...”
Hyde squeezed Sakura’s arm a little and brushed his face against his shoulder. “I... I really like you... you know? Yes, you know that, ne? I like you lots...”
“Yeah... that’s nice...” Sakura nodded and kept staring at his toes under the sheet.
“You aren’t gonna cry, right? Cause... I’m the kid here... Crying is my job...” Hyde asked seeking eye contact with Sakura.
“No. No, of course I won’t. Of course...” Sakura said and swallowed. “I’m too old for that.”
“Sakura... I love you as a friend... and you are also a great fuck... and I trust you and I always have a great time with you...” Hyde started.
“Thanks...”
“Which doesn’t imply that you won’t pay, of course.” Hyde remarked. “But... I’m in love with someone else... someone... someone I love differently...”
“I understand.” Sakura said and nodded, still staring blankly at his toes.
“Why don’t you stay over, huh? I’ll give you coffee in the morning...” Hyde offered while rubbing Sakura’s arm.
“Is there an extra charge for it?”
“No.” Hyde said and chuckled. “It’s complimentary. And all the hugging and holding you I’m gonna do is complimentary too.”
“You really needn’t...”
“I will do it anyway, man... I broke your heart... I know how it feels. You, just like everybody else, think that we whores don’t have any feelings... but that’s false. We do. I do. I know what it is like to be in love with someone who isn’t in love with you... I know how you feel... I feel the same.”
“Who is your crush?”
“You promise not to tell?”
“I promise.”
“OK...” Hyde said and took a deep breath. “It’s Tetsu... but he’s dating the girl from the photography shop... I don’t stand a chance.”
“Oh... I see...” Sakura nodded.
“We are a couple of losers, ne, Sakura?”
“Maybe...” Sakura said and moved a little to a side looking for another cigarette.
“So... let’s cuddle and comfort each other...” Hyde said snuggling up to Sakura’s arm.
“Yeah... let’s... do that...” Sakura said smoking his cigarette and feeling blank. He surrounded Hyde with his arm and stared emptily at the swirls the smoke made above their heads, and against the white ceiling.

“Have you ever told Tetsu?”
“No...”
“If he says no...”
“Sakura, don’t...”
“... will you consider me?”
Hyde sighed in distress. “I will... I guess I will.”

“I suppose... I’m just the unlucky type...” Tetsu sighed, watching a couple of rats running along the railway a few meters away from him.
He coughed in discomfort and then took a deep breath.
“Why am I thinking of Hai-chan? Why am I so anxious about him?” He tried to force himself to visualize Kaori in the eye of his mind.
“I admire Kaori-chan... I do... So why don’t I get the same warm feelings when I think of her than when I think of Hai-chan?... No... it can’t be...” Tetsu said and shook his head. “I better try to catch some sleep... I better forget about him. I'm starting to get weird ideas...”

Tetsu woke up the next morning feeling the impending need to cry. Something inside him wanted to burst crying and screaming, but he didn’t realize what it was. He felt lost, and at the same time he felt he had lost something important.
This feeling was puzzling... there was nothing he could lose... he didn’t have anything.
His first clear thought was about Hyde. He wondered what Hyde would be doing, if he had already woke up, if he was with Sakura.
He immediately shook the thought off his head and tried, with all his might, to focus on thinking about Kaori.
He forced himself to smile and raised his eyes to the thin rays of light scurrying between the creaks in the wall in front of him. He ran his fingers through his hair and walked wearily towards the restrooms.
His stomach was protesting again. He hadn’t had anything to eat since that meal with Sakura... but he didn’t want to remember it.
He passed some of his fellows and nodded at them on his way to the restrooms. He kept his stare on the floor and dragged his feet tiredly until he reached his destination.

The station restrooms were nothing near fancy. Tetsu washed his hands and face and moistened his hair.
It felt funny... he had slept, yet he had remarkably dark under-eye circles. He thought he could do with a shower a Hyde’s apartment, but he dismissed the idea promptly. He knew he smelled bad, and he was surprised to notice he didn’t care too much about it. He had to go to work. He only hoped his boss didn’t fire him on charges of being... well... smelly.
He bit his lower lip and took another look at his face on the mirror. Kaori wouldn’t fall for him, right? He was poor, he was a beggar, he was tired and hopeless... and he was smelly.
Tetsu wished for a break. He sighed deeply and left the restrooms.
It was time to use his fake pass to go to Shinjuku. To go to work. “One day things will change.” He used to tell himself, but in days like that one, he strongly doubted it.

Hyde jumped out of bed looking for Sakura.
“Dammit! You, bastard! Where are you?! Pay me!!”
“Oh, boy...” Sakura exclaimed from the bathroom, and he leaned backwards peering through the doorframe while he finished his... business. “...some fucked-up way you have to wake up.”
“Ah... you’re there... good.” Hyde said sitting down on the bed. “I thought you had left.”
“I’ll pay you, little whore. Don’t worry.”
“Correction: I’m not a little whore. I’m a big whore.”
Sakura rolled his eyes and zipped up his pants. “Yeah, you are...”
“I don’t want to be belittled. This is my job and I do it with pride.”
“Go with those tales to your beggar friend. I’m older and wiser and I know better than that.” Sakura answered and took a roll of money from his wallet, in the inner pocket of his leather jacket.
“Feh... you dunno what you’re talking about. I’m the best. You even fell for me.”
“Uh-huh... if you knew me, like you claim you do, you wouldn’t consider that to be such a big deal.”
Hyde extended his hand waiting for the money.
“There.” Sakura pressed the roll of bills to Hyde’s small hand. “Use it wisely.”
“I will.” Hyde nodded grinning widely.
“I’ve new stuff coming in next week... interested?”
“Nope.” Hyde shook his head.
“It’s good... prime quality...”
“Not now... I'll let you know if I can do with it.”
“You might want to consider it. If you need it, give me a call. Anytime. My service is up 24/7.”
“Hmm... Okay... if some client requires it, I'll remember.”
“Good. So, I guess I’m leaving.”
“Nice to see you, pal.” Hyde replied distractedly while counting the money.
“Sure. Nice to fuck you too.” Sakura retorted and left the room slamming the door behind him. He walked down the corridor heavily. He got to the elevator door and pressed the "down" button; then he looked back towards the door of the apartment he had just left.
“I would have made you happy, little devil... at least, I would have tried...” He thought, biting his lower lip.

Hyde put the money down on the night table and sighed.
“It hurts me too, Sakura... You are a good friend, you are a good guy... You need someone better than me... you don’t need a coward.”

Tetsu wore his smile like a shield against the outside world. He had used some of his savings to go to the public baths on behalf of any breakfast.
“Ohayo!” He greeted cheerfully.
“Ohayo, Tetsu-kun.” The Photography shop owner greeted cheerfully. “I was eagerly waiting for you.”
“Huh?” Tetsu raised his eyebrows in surprise when a glossy paper poster was placed in front of his eyes.
“Photography competition?”
“How about entering it, eh?” The owner grinned happily.
“Er... me?”
“Yeah, you. I’ve noticed you learn fast, you are an enthusiast and you have a good eye for aesthetics. You should enter this contest.”
“But... but... I don’t have money to...”
“I’ll sign you up. If you win, it’ll be a great promotion for our shop.”
“Oh!” Tetsu opened his eyes big.
“We’ll split the prize half and half if you win. Think of it... a 14-year-old wins a photography contest!”
“I don’t have a camera or...”
“I’ll provide you with equipment.” The shop owner said nodding.
“Well... there’s a chance you might lose... but then again, since you are so young, it’ll still be interesting to see the reactions in the jury...”
“Oh...” Tetsu was aghast.
“Besides, I think you’ll at least get a nomination. Well, go change into work-clothes and start your chores. I’ll give you some instructions during your lunch break.”
“Ah! OK! Thank you! Thank you very much, boss!” Tetsu smiled radiantly. For all he could tell this did look like an awesome opportunity. Maybe it was worth it to keep a little faith. He rushed inside the laboratory and changed his clothes to working gear whistling happily.
“Yay! Yay! Yay! I’m gonna be the next sensation in photography!”

Hyde walked out of the shower scratching his bottom absent-mindedly. He needed money. He knew his boss wasn’t going to provide him with clients for a while, and he knew his boss’s thuds would come soon for the monthly fee. He needed clients... even if kachou wouldn’t allow him to sneak clients into the apartment without his consent, Hyde knew he had to do it if he didn’t want to get himself in further trouble.
Picking up guys in the street was not his style, but there wasn’t much of an option left. He got dressed dejectedly and left the apartment. Shibuya was probably not a good idea during daytime... but Roppongi was definitely an option.

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